.+* 1- F.a.I.t.H -9 *+.

Melissa Chan

2006-11-17T22:00:00.000-08:00

MELISSA CHAN H L

* One.Picture.One.Story.One.Memory *

MeL ChaN, the following post is specially dedicated just for you. :) A girl i know for so many years but it's only this course that really brought us together again. I have to admit from the begining i guess both of us have to make use of each other because both of us were in a brand new class. But no regrets-

1st of all, i will like to say thanks for the My MeL MeL. My MeL bought My MeL MeL for me with no reasons. Because she wanted to buy for me, that's her reason. -_-"

MeL, i really love it. Xie Xie Ni- This MeL reminds me of you cause 1st is you buy de, 2nd, it holds the same name as you do. :) Kawaii neiz!

This girl is someone i gona love always. Thou i have to admit we had our ups and downs quite often and we like to assume each other ending up being misunderstood, we were stil able to clarify things clear cut once and for all.

She is someone who i cry she cry. She somehow just understands how i feel thou i might not tell her everything about my farking life. Thou it might only be a freaking 6months that we really clicked together, i felt as if we knew each other for like the longest time already. :)

MeL, so many thing happened recently. Especially today's case. * SiaNz * Worse thing is you are not here with me. :( But still, thanks for ya message. I dono how you got the news, but i guess if from them de bahz.

" Don tink so much le. Next time got this type of thing i sure stand by you. Go home hug the My Melody k. Then you will feel happier. :) Hehe. Tmr i see you hor, i want to see you smile smile one leh. Not black black k. :) Love u. Muackz! Hugs! "

Alright MeL, i know you don like me to post this up cause you shy, but nvm lahz. For me k? :pPp Don " niaoz " ( stingy ) lahz!

I Love You Lotsa-

* Don be absent from skol le lahz. Slp early wake up early. I need you to be with me. :)

MeL, borrow this little space for my another friend can? * HeEz *

m a b e l l e * says (9:02 PM):
i wan to see the REAL you again....

m a b e l l e * says (9:03 PM):
stop putting on a strong front... lend my shoulder

m a b e l l e * says (9:04 PM):
it probably makes u feel better..

m a b e l l e * says (9:10 PM):
i really miss our times in school..

24: I miss you much too- I will stand by again. I just need the courage. You words are more than enough le. :pPp Maybe you can make a trip down to SK if you miss this place. Don worry i will go over to PR just for you one fine day. :) Cheers!

Farking School Day

2006-11-16T08:30:00.000-08:00

Congratulations 19. You made a lecturer hate you today. You made a lecturer shout you. You made a lecturer almost went crazy over you. Well done- You acted smart for acting kind, serve you right that now you gona leave a farking D / E / F for your conduct and discipline !

The whole issue hapened just like dat:

We were ALL discussing weather to go for the Rosette thingy on Monday. ALL of them said: " No, don feel like / i don wan / is she force us go de, we not given a choice! " Well, den we decided to speak up and stand for ourself. It was partially my fault that i did not pay attention last week on regards to CTIS. I don recall dat bitch ( lecturer ) asking us. To double confirm if she did asked to class, i asked some of the others besides our own group. EVERY SINGLE ONE SAID NO, THAT BITCH MADE THE DECISION, WE WERE NOT GIVEN CHOICE. I guess that was why so many people within the class were so unhappy bout this event.

Thus, we decided to speak up, not intending to go against her. I simply asked her v nicely, i swear i was v v polite. " Ms Wells, if we did not want to go and make up for it, is it possible? " GleNn said something i couldnt really remember. And she started flaring up! She shouted at everyone, but aiming poor GleNn and myself. She jolly well said GleNn has got attitude pro but wad bout her? She said the tone he talked ws improper. Well, i talked to that bitch really nice, how did she answer me?! She shouted at me! CB!

We were not acting or whatsoever, we just simple wanted to say something for ourselves. Don tell mi i paid the farking 10 over thousand and i cant even speak up for myself?! It's because of you and me, that bitch is able to stand in front of us to teach ok!

* Guys, before you start pointing fingers at me and GleNn saying we have attitude problems / rude / unreasonable / immature, plz do some reflections 1st. Are you 1 of them who said you DID NOT want to go but eventually you just kept your bloody mouth shut? If yes, den plz tink twice before you even comment on us. I look down on you- At least 1 thing im sure, me and GleNn noe wad we want and not turn into a hypocrite becasue you are afraid of getting reprimanded. BoO- You guys suck!

The thing that eventually pissed me off when everybody started changing their words becasue of DP. ( demerit points ) Kindy leaving the 2 of us to die as a bad guy. When that bitch started saying she wanted to give DPs to those who don turn up, everybody say they wana go. CCB! Before she flared up, everybody was like: " Eh, say le! say le! " When it was time to hand the $$ over to JaWs, you ALL were the ones who said steady all don give de ok?! Fark you lahz! Where have all your integrity gone today suddenly? Why are so farking keeping quiet and let the bitch go on and on?! Why are your not saying a single farking shit when she said why didnt we voice out the other time?! WHY?!

Im not angry with you guys. Im just angry for my own stupidity in believing friendship in you guys. Yah, i was farking naive. But you guys made me learn the difference being good friends and just friends. Just friends are people not worth crying and standing up for ( like those people i mentioned ), they come and go while best friends are people who regardless of wad happen will always be with you and that's you MeL-

Now i knoe. Our friendship is not even worth more den a DP. It's because of you guys that we deicded to speak up ok! Make this shit clear! If from the start your say: " Nvm lahz. Just go lorz. " I would probably have kept my farking mouth shut! But NO! If you call this friendship den im sorry, i tink i rather not have any friends for the next rest of my life.

Unfortunately, i know after this posting, many will start to dislike me or hate me. You tink i give a farking damn care now? Like wad someone said before, im not perfect. I cant satisfy everyone and i don have the time to. Yes. I DON have the time to for you cause you are not even worth a single second of my time le. I thought twice b4 decciding to post this up. I WILL NOT regret it!

Say whatever you want about mi now, this is my blog. I say how i feel, if you feel im wrong den go create your own blog and write how you feel because you WILL NOT and SHALL NOT affect wad i write.

Xx: You wana noe why. Alright. I'll tell you, yes im farking disappointed. You were the last person that i thought would actually change your opinion. I know you are one of those neutral kind, but still, least did i expect it will happen. I thought our friendship could change that but guess im farking wrong this time. Im sorry but this are my thoughts. I don expect you to tink the same-

LoNg-tiMe PeEps ( definitely NOT from SHATEC ): Thanks- Im sorry if i threw my temper at you guys. You guys have really being very tolerant over me. You all were right. " They are not worth to get angry with at all. If they are people who knows what is friendship and knows how to treaure them, they wouldnt do this ". :)

At first i thought i was really immature to think that way. But when i told mummy about this problem, all she said to me was: " Ger, don get angry over this kind of things. Tink the positive way and that is how much they proven to you. Now you will know how much you mean to them and how much they mean to you, so cheer up! " I love you mummy- * MuAcKz *

RacH: This is for you. I dono if you will get to read but no offence. It's just how i feel. I tink you should be the last person to betray your own boyfriend. I remembered you were 1 of those who keep saying you don wana go and wana us speak up. Im sure GleNn spoke up partly for you too. When you said you will go, at that point i was shocked because you did not stand by him. Lucky for you GleNn is a heck-care person. But im sure you this happened to you, you WILL definitely throw your temper at GleNn cause he did not support you. Think about it and do some reflections bahz. Love is something you have to learn to sacrify. If you cant even sacrify a DP for him, den i have got nothing to say.

To-the-person-who-hesitated-when-asked: I dono if you noe who you are. Will not mention name. You always wanted me to be honest in my own feelings, ill show you i will. I rather you not answer den bitch den having to say: " I DON TINK i going. " You were not even firm and sure bout wad you want. That somehow don seems you. But you let me see another " you " le. :( Im sorry-

MaRk: Lucky you. I was praying hard for you to be the 1st to stand for us. I knew you hesitated at that point too. But you still shook you head. Well, honestly i was really glad. I noe im being very mean but at dat point i really needed you guy's support but only you & GleNn were strong and only you guys live with integrity. :)

MeL, if only you were here..... * HaIz *......

BasicTheory Class

2006-11-14T00:00:00.000-08:00

Well Well Well....

My feelings now is a mixture of sadness + anger!

+.+ My SaDNesS +.+

Just came back from my Basic Theory Class. * sHaG * Damn demoralished again. My instructor finally said something which l longed not wanting to hear. I was doing my practise suddenly he asked me why didnt i go out for explanation? I kept quiet and he said: " That's why you will fail. " :( I expected this day will come thou. * HaIz * Honestly, I don say he's in a wrong for saying me that cause he's right. I have indeed skipped alot of explanations from him. But im also a human. My attention power is limited. Can you imgaine being in school for the whole day, and going for another class at night? Once my attention is gone, i'll start dreaming le lorz. *_*

BaBe: No offence, really. Like you say, blog is the only venting groud. Im not venting my anger, im just feeling damn down now. Sorry- Hope you wouldnt mind me posting this up. Ok, i know i have really disappoint your dad, i din mean to. :(

+.+ My AnGeR +.+

Count yourself lucky that im posting this specially for you bastard! You are honoured! What's your farking problem with me?! What have i done that make you hate me?!

Well, look here! You are now stepping on my tail, not me. You are NOT even worth being my hi-bye friend, what makes you hate me?! Please make this clear alright, when you tell me you hate a person, hate that person for a reason. What pissed me off is when you were asked why you hate her, you still have the cheek to tell that person: " I dono. I hate her because she is with someone i hate too. " The worse thing is when asked why he hate that someone, he said: " I dono. That's me! " * RoLL EyEz *

Holy Shit! Childish farker! So, that is reason?! Oh man! Tell me about it! Well done bastard! You have entered my " Loser List ". But don worry, you are rank number 2. Who's top? It's the 19 that you hate. Well, be satisfied that you are ranked after me.

If you are a woman, i don blame you for hating me cause i know she is just jealous about me being prettier than her. ( just joking ... )

But the fact that you are a man arent you?! Or did i mistaken from the start?! Don be a loser, go do something if you wana be prettier den me, you think by hating me can make you any prettier or becoming more handsome?! Think harder about it alright? Don lie to yourself anymore farker!

Don you tink hating a person is so miserable and painful? Perhaps i shoudnt blame you for hating me. Because nobody loves you, therefore, you dono what's the meaning of love. Im really sad for you bastard! I get all the love i want from my beloved peeps, thus, i dono what's the meaning of hatred. Congrats 19! Not too bad. You are able to make someone miserable and painful by hating you. * ClaPz *

I have to say im not saying this becasue im hurt. You are nobody to me. I cant find a good reason to get hurt over you. So sad right?! Don be bastard! * Pat Pat Farker *

Mind you! You are in your early twenties already! My ages 17 to 19 peeps are alot more mature den you and im seriously embarassed to let people know that 19 knows you. Om my goodness! I cant imagine if this spreads out that you were ONCE my friend! Maybe i shouldnt compare you with my peeps cause you are not even worth to be compared with.

You tested my patience. I heard about you many times. I kept my cool, didnt wana give a damn shit about you, but you are pissing me off now. You know what i feel like doing now? I'll tell you, i feel like BEATING THE SHIT OUT OF YOU AND I'LL MAKE SURE THE SHIT COMES OUT FROM YOUR FARKING BLOODY MOUTH!

The only 3 persons who have the right to hate me for NO reasons are my parents and DeaR DeaR, obviously excluding you farker! *_* BoO-

BaStaRd: If you are not happy with me after this posting come confront ok? I wont give a damn farking shit to you. Beat me for all i care! Don like wad i write den don read. As simple as ABC. AND stop being so emotional because you dono wad is the meaning of friendship and love. Don you understand my MSN? - Reflections of Ingenuity - I said before, UNDERSTANDING , FARNIE AND GENUINE are 3 factors i see in a friend. Too bad but you failed the above 3 and i DON like you. Im NOT your friend so you can stop hating me already. :) If you say you hate Strangers too den all i can say is YOU ARE A TOTAL LOSER + BASTARD! So sad but so true-

* Don ask me who. Only when you understand how i feel, you will naturally know who is it. Perhaps the person i talk about will definitely know who you are. I will not say who just in case you sue me for defermation. ( im so scared.... ) Im respecting you as a human, that is why! But i tink i see you more like a pest to me. o_O Go on guessing people, but DON PRESUME me!

* pEopLe: My blog is leaking out to the outside world that DO NOT belong to me le. I know im in no position to stop people from reading, but plz, if you do read, delete my link if you are using someone else's com. My blog is somehow more on personal things that i DO NOT wish to share with people i DON trust and DON believe in. Don go around telling people my blog address. Im sure you have alot of better things to do lorz. Those who are innocent, i apologise- This is to people who DO NOT give a farking damn privacy to other people'e life. Fark off!

Boring

2006-11-12T23:40:00.000-08:00

© mR. bastaRd ® 2006 _x\gudboi Inc. All rights reserved. says (4:48 PM):
jie ~

© mR. bastaRd ® 2006 _x\gudboi Inc. All rights reserved. says (4:48 PM):your blog never update 1 aR? all i read finish already lehs ;x

You not shy ar?! :pPp Im here to blog for the sick of blogging only for you horz! * SaDdEd * Somehow recently there is nothing for me to blog about le. My Fridays and Saturdays were burnt with friends again. * HiaKz * Sunday? - My grandma day! :)

Finally completed my " egg machine " collections le. YiPeE! Well dude, not for you, i might not have completed it so fast. :)

LatEst:

FuLL CoLleCtioN:

My FuLl CoLleCtioN: No space le norz! * SoB * Im now just dumping and squeezing everything into 1 small space le. I NEED A BIGGER CUPBOARD MUMMY!!!! :pPp You noe wad to do le huh... * WinKz *

Mummy is still sick siaz. 3 times to the doctor le and yet she's still coughing like crazy. ( noisy siaz ) * OpPppSSSsss *

NwR: Thanks for asking bout my mum. She said thanks- So sweet of you, but she getting better le. :)

I was back to my grandma house on Sat to visit her. ( finally... ) Mummy was there too. She told mi the saloon downstairs, one of the stylist there was strike with breast cancer 3rd stage le. She had already spent like 20 to 30k of medical bills but yet, she's still not well. Suddenly, my granfather came into my mind. My grandfather passed away almost 10 years le. Deep down in my heart, it seemed to have happened just yesterday.

My granfather died of liver cancer. Can you imagine how much hospital bills he sumed up during his chemotherapy? 60 to 70k!!! Mummy always tells mi money is not a problem, but honestly den wads the problem? Spending so much farking money and yet he still had to go? If everything is fated, den why not just leave it to fate to decide? Why must we still try and try to keep that person survive when he's meant to go? I miss you-

Next was KeN. In the twinkle of our eyes, he's gone for almost a year le. KeN's birthday coming in few weeks time. * HaIz * Fate sucks! You took away lives that you shouldnt have, leaving those evil people surviving till the end of time! *_*

+.+ SatuRdAy +.+

Quarrelled with DeaR AGAIN! Hell! Kena farked for no reason. Got 1 reason: Cause he's fed up in army. Ok. I not gona say what's the problem le, there is no reason why i gotta make myself so sad now. I had enough of getting screwed up with those words already.

DeaR: How many farking times have i told you not to use those words on mi already?! If you really think im this kind of freaking useless girl den leave me?! Why you still hanging on to me?! Im not an item ok, im just a ger who needs you more than anything. Farking hell! WHO AM I TO YOU?! WHY ARE YOU STILL WANTING TO CHANGE ME TO WHOEVER I DON WANA BE! I HATE IT OK?! LOVE ME FOR WHO I AM, NOT WHO YOU WAN ME TO BE!!!

- It's Over - ( forget it...)

I enjoyed my that Saturday thou. ( with all my funcky dudes that i love for 5 years le ) Cheers!

+.+ SuNdAy +.+

After dinner with grandma and family, we sent grandma home le, went over to Jalan Kayu for supper. Oh my goodness! My dad was spouting nonsense while we were eating. Holy Shit!

DaD: Do you know how much flour those people use to make these pratas?

19: Dono, why you asking me this out of a sudden?

DaD: Every big bag of flour can make up to 500 pieces of prata. And you know who they mix the flour for 500 pieces?

19: -_-" How would i know?

DaD: They used their legs to step cause it's alot simpler and time consuming den using their hands.

WTF?! LEGS?! * PuIz * Gross man! At first i thought he was guess joking with me until my uncle said it was true cause he did see them doing that before. Fark! Imagine myself cutting the prata and seeing toe nails hanging between those pieces? * aRgH * I almost puke man. * RoLL EyEz * Damnit!

- Anti-Prata for 19 le - ( i must try... ) * HuRmP *

Just had a slight quarrel with mummy over some trivial things. ( some things that is none of my concern but got drag into the picture, wtf?! ) I kept quiet throughtout. I wasnt angry with her or anything, but just that i know if i start talking, i will end up only to quarrel with her or cry. BoO-

Farking hell! Why is it that this song " Summer Scent / Zuo You Wei Nan " song start playing in my WMP when my mood is at the lowest point. It's not the 1st time anymore! * aRgH * What is it suppose to mean? Can anyone out there just make mi fall in love with you so that i will not feel the pain in mi anymore? * SoB *

New Caps

2006-11-10T03:00:00.000-08:00

Oh my goodness! I saw something horrifying today. Somebody stole things from this particular shop without being caught accept by me. *_* But i chose to keep silent and walk away in silent. The whole scene began with a hair clip worth freaking 50 cents. -_-"

I was standing outside the shop browsing at some things i was looking for until i overheard this conversation between 2 pretty idiots. ( ok, i have to admit those gers were quite pretty lahz :p )

GeR 1: Wa! The q so long ar? Why not just take the clip and leave.

GeR 2: Ok lorz, up to you. Anyone no one's looking i tink you take le also no one will spot you lorz....

Before the 2nd ger to say anything further, ger 1 already walked out of the shop cliping her hair. WTF?! I stood dere shocked! The fact that those 2 look-innocent-but-don-act-innocent kinda ger melts my heart le, i coudnt bare to report them to the sales girl. - WaHaHa - I have got a good heart ok. Boo-

Holy Shit! I have never done such things in my 19 years in this world. People always like to judge me by my look saying im " ah lian ", im one of a kind, but fark you! Im not different from a girl next door- Jane.

I do wad simple gers do, i don go around beating up people, stealing things, squatting at the entrance of trains and shops, talking with the hands flying around, sitting at the coffee shops to shake leg and most importantly, i don walk with my hands swinging 360 degress. BoO-

It's Jo-N's birthday today. As i promised, i brought her for NeoPrint shots. Kids are kids afterall. They remember wad you promise them and they make sure it's fulfiled, if not they will start ignoring you and you will have to slowly start guessing what you have done to piss them off. -_-" Mummy, was i like that when i was younger?! ( perhaps i was, or maybe far worse off )

It's kinda small i know. Too bad- Jo-N's 2 best sisters: Me & Xx! * Not sHy * _v_

I saw this 2 caps the other day. Dono if i shold get it or not le. Kinda quite cool and cute lahz. But weather i will wear it or not it's another problem lahz. I give it max of 3 times that you will see me putting on to those caps in Singapore. * HaIz * 1 thing bout Singpaore is that the fashion comes and go so quickly. Only you are rich, if not you NVR be able to catch up with the trends. NEVER! :(

The sign: NO PHOTOTAKING ALLOWED. * RoLL EyEz * Who gives a damnit bout it lahz. I happy- But i tink it's nice le. Wad do you think huh?!

Cool right?! Snowiee cappiee! This is freaking me out lorz! Heaven throw me more $$ plz den i'll be able to buy these 2 caps without even having to think about it le lahz. * HiaKz *

Do you know actually holding hands have different meaning de le. I know i might be crapping to some of you but i just thought it was quite sweet when my friend told me bout it and i plainly just wana share. Im not asking you to believe, just listen. *_*

- That's DeaR holding me -

- That's me holding DeaR -

Do you know? When a guy's thumb is outside the girl's thumb = the guy is protecting you and vice versa. It may somehow sound lame to you but i went home and think about it i seriously thought it was very sweet le. BaHz- Don care! Think wad you wana think, i mean it's really up to you lahz. :pPp

All About Guys

2006-11-08T21:30:00.000-08:00

YiPeE! Daddy and Mummy is home so early today. No. Mummy did not go work. She's sick. Daddy came home early because he's currently on a 2-day course. It's the 1st time in my 19 years life at home that Daddy and Mummy is home with me on a working weekday. :) Having dinner together, just the 3 of us is more than i ask for already. I love them forever-

+.+ FrIeNdsHiP 1 +.+

There is something in my mind i kept for like weeks le. Remember the other time when i was working at Vivo? While walking to the toilet, i saw a friend i knew when i was a primary school kid. I clearly remebered her face so well, don ask how, i also dono. She was a cleaner there. It shocked me! She was clearing rubbish and everything at my age? WTH?! I did not dare appraoch her because she might not recognise me or i don wan her feeling embarrassed. I stood aside silently watching her, wanting so much to walk over and give her a helping hand, or maybe find her a better job. I was just lost at words-

At that poiint, i realised how lucky can i be, to study wad i want, get all i wanted, be what i wana be in future. I neglected the unfortunate life of others. I think perhaps is just that im living too comfortably in my small space that i became demanding and expect more things, never getting satisfied in whatever i have now. BoO-

Having the urge to go back Vivo to look for her. But before i go back, i 1st need to find a job for her, if not for what reason am i going back to look for her? Say i pity her, say i showing empathy, ( i don care ) that's the part of myself that i love, to be able to feel for my own friends and do the best i can for them. :pPp

+.+ FrIeNdsHiP 2 +.+

Suddeny feeling so disappointed with things. Dono why also, perhaps is im just being too sensitive over things le bahz. No- Nothing got to do with my sensitivity, maybe is just the expectations that i have in my friends bahz. But, coming to realise actually i have no right from the start to engrave an expectation on a friend. :(

* SigH *

Why is it that ALMOST all guys are one of a kind de. As long as got pretty girls come by their life, they will forget about everything and that includes their own family members huh? Why is it that guys like to play around and along with ONLY pretty girls and forget and neglect the rest of the ugly and normal ones?

How is it that you can act like you know that person for so long but actually, it was only that night that you guys met up and saw her for the 1st time that your really talked to each other? I seriously don tink i ever understand wad guys are thinking anymore. Somehow or other, as a friend, i really dono wad kind of person are u anymore. I thot your were just simple dudes that i can trust and be with, but however, you make me and let mi see a different sight and angle of you le.

* SigH *

It doesnt matter. You don owe mi any apology lahz. Im just being honest with my friends in how i feel. I said before: I ONLY LOVE GENUINE PEOPLE! If you are not genuine, fark off! Don mess with my life anymore. *_* - LaLaLa -

© mR. bastaRd ® 2006 _x\gudboi Inc. All rights reserved. loving yuntingJIE & fiiaDEARIIE is the best thing in my life says (8:19 PM):

yewiie love yunting jie loadss. :)

Mr BaStaRd: I love you too! :) You better change your MSN nick, ltr your Ms BitcH come find wor i smack you arz! 4 years plus friendship le, surprising we still can hang on for so long. Still in contact with ReN ReN mahz? He got read my blog de, go disturb him, he going to ORD soon. He wana go ZOO, you free bring him go arz! Tomorrow he taking his pay, go hammer him! :pPp

notnow says (8:11 PM):
mei

notnow says (8:12 PM):
wo hao sian ar

notnow says (8:12 PM):
i really hope we can stay in contact ..

notnow says (8:12 PM):
i owe u much

BrO: Silly lahz! You don owe me anything ok! *_* Don always say that le, you making me very guilty le. I will be happy always de, no worries. Keeping contact is not a prob to me. * WiNkz *

" Let me tell you about the death of happiness, how it should not be misunderstood as grief. In your anticipation you stole joy from the future. But take heart you have not robbed your future of joy. All suffering will end in a matter of time, in the meantime think not of suffering but time. "

RaI: Thanks babe- I love your random words always. You are always missing but not forgetting me is the best thing i ever need from you. :) Cheers!

tHoMas just messaged me: " I nw on the mrt i smell your perfume le. Haha. I tink sum1 wearing the same perfume as u..haha strong siaz! "

tHoMas: Ass! I don wana be so common le. ^ aRgH ^ Confrim not the same perfume ok. I got my own smell call " Faith Fragrance ". ( self-entertaining bitch ) BoO- Haiya, don tell me mahz, i rather not know. - WaHaHaHa - :pPp Ask that person go home bath lahz.....!!!

- RRRRRoooooooaaaaaaaRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRr -

My Graduation

2006-11-06T22:00:00.000-08:00

Finally after waiting for 2 years to graduate from Certificate In Accommodation Operations ( C.A.O ). The graduation ceremony was held at Conrad Hotel. Many of my x-mates did not turn up for the ceremony. * ExPectEd *

The overall ceremony was kinda boring le. The whole part we were just chatting all the way among ourselves. Besides going to the stage for the certification, everything was just bored. Oh yah, the photo taking session with my x-mates were damn cool lahz. ^ KeKe ^

0130hrs to 0400hrs- Just to see the rest of the school going to the stage to receive their awards. Kinda boring! BoO- But good for you DTM 2006, not for us, you guys wouldnt have a 1-day holiday le. - WaHaHaHa - :pPp

MeL brought Xx along, while i brought DeaR along. Mummy fell sick today le, cant attend my grauduation. :(

tHoMaS: Xie le. You were the only person who congraded me this evening. So sad, but thanks- Really SWEET of you to even remember. :) Better den some people........ :pPp

+.+ My PhoToS +.+

+.+ Me & DeaR +.+

One of my mates came back all the way from Taiwan and she bought this for me. :) Xie Xie Ni-

- A Strawberry Pouch -

Afer graduation. DeaR brought me to Changi Airport, also dono for wad. He just said he wanted to go airport slack, no choice but to tag along. At that point, i really did not feel like going anywhere besides hime for 2 reasons:

1- My legs were breaking out after a long day with 3-inch heels. BoO-

2- My Productivity Studies test is just tomorrow and i have yet to study. ^ HaIz ^

But still.....

Just to keep DeaR accompany and make him happy, i have got to compromise lorz. *_*

Weekends Again

2006-11-05T23:30:00.000-08:00

Cant believe it but sometimes i do honestly say i admire myself lahz. Somehow or other, no matter how much i sleep, i can still feel tired de lorz. Damnit! If let me choose between to eat or to sleep, i will still choose to sleep. ^ DuHz ^ I still very tired le, go anywhere also can sleep de loz, piangz- *_*

1/2 of my Saturday was spent with my mates in town shopping le. The other 1/2 of the night was spent with DeaR in the bloody CATHAY cinema. Talking about it really pissed me off to the max lahz! Fark! I bought the tix for " The Guardian " at 0930pm. I blindly took the tix and left the counter. Me and DeaR went into the cinema realising the seats were meant for somebody else. WTF?! Upon realising our tix were booked for 0630pm de.

Ok. I have to admit it was partially my fault for not checking the tix. But tink about it, out of 10 people, i guess only maximum of 2 persons who would really check every details of the tix lorz! On a Sartuday night, obviously the theatre was full lahz. We were den asked to be shifted to the 1st roll. Farking hell! I hate it! Throughout the show, i just felt like vomitting. It was suppose to be a very nice and t0ouching show, but i ended up being pisseed off after the show. CB! I serisouly almost vomitted after the show ok!

Guys, next time go CATHAY watch MUST MUST MUST check the timing before receiving de tix. I was told by my friends it isnt the 1st time already. It happened to them before too. Damn ass! Maybe i should just be loyal to Golden Village in Plaza Sing le. :( ^ HaIz ^ Really disappointing.....

+.+ ThE GuaRDiaN +.+

Very touching show indeed. It's about you being a miracle for those victims who need you, really need you to see the world again. Too bad that night i was more pissed den being emotional, i did not drop a tear. But at many parts and points of the show, it just left me stunned and shocked. No regrets watching this show. If given a chance, i wouldnt mind catching this show again.

So memerizing- :) Go catch it! If you tell me the show suck, i tink you suck at show too. * WiNkz * Joking lahz, but go go go!!! :pPp

NWR: I saw Shawn that night at Cathay. ^ KeKe ^ Still as cute, no change lorz! *_*

+.+ My NeW CoLLeCtioN +.+

3 colours le. 2 more colours to go. If im not wrong it's Yellow and Red bahz. I just cant the above outside shops lahz. How much luck i need in order to get the full collection lahz. BoO- By the way, the above is from the " egg machine ". Just your luck to get what you want. :(

Guess what's inside? It's from another " egg machine " i found in Bishan de. So cool lorz-

It's a Blue Mushroom Ring and a MeL MeL Rubber Band! :)

DeaR bought those for me de. It comes in a set bahz. ^ HoHo ^ I think i need to change a new cupboard le lahz. My cupboard is full le! :(

Why is IKEA located so far away!? Oh yah nvm, the IKEA after TPE will be officially opened on 30th November. ^ WeEt ^ Just in time for me to shop for new furnitures for my room. :)

24: Did you manange to go Hog's Breadth to eat? Is it nice? :) Say thanks 19- :pPp

My Dream Guy

2006-11-04T02:00:00.000-08:00

I received this message from a guy whom i know asking me a very furnie question. I thought the question was lame because i knew him for like so many years in the past le, why is is now than he asked me?

" Hey ger, ask you ar, wad kind 0f guy do you actually like or would you choose as a boyfriend and friend? What are your expectations? The guys i see you with are all of different character de, im really curious. "

Im sorry i did not choose to reply you cause at that point of time, i really dono what to say and how to say, but i hereby shall let you know:

LIKES: ( as my boi )

- Guys who DO NOT lie

- Guys who DON make empty promises

- Guys who DON drink / gamble / flirt ( totally HATE!!! )

- Guys who love me for who i am

- Guys who love me + my family

- Guys who enjoy being with me cause they feel comfortable and NOT as a duty of a BF

Last but not the least...

MY BOI WHO WOULDNT TAKE MY CARE FOR GRANTED!!! ( don ever say i don care for you because you were the one who wouldnt treaure my care from the start, wads the farking point of caring again when you show no interest for my good intention - NO particular person im against :pPp )

LIKES: ( as my friend )

Simply just 3 words- GENUINE, CARING and INTERESTED.

Because i have no right to ask you become who i wan you be, i will love you all for who you are. :)

Enough of my expectations. What about yours? But seriously and honestly i might not wana know because the person i wana know from and willing to change for is my boi. Unless you are a person who means alot to me, if not i don nid to know your expectations. :pPp

MYSELF:

- Attitude

- Sensitive

- Stubborn

- Emotional

- Tempremental

- Weak

- Lazy

- " Small- Gas "

It's still not to late to tell me: " I regret knowing you. " It will be totally fine with me, now that t least you all know my true colours, there is really nothing for me to hide about myself. Im just who i am, and the above are the facts about who i am. :)
Fark off if u no longer like me, cause wad makes you tink i like you too huh?! :pPp BUT think again before you say me, look into the mirror and ask yourself if you are near to perfect, unless you are, if not den shut the fark up! BoO-

- I DESPISE PEOPLE WHO DESPISE OTHERS -

Flung My BTT

2006-11-01T22:00:00.000-08:00

Holy Shit! I flung my BTT. Feeling so demoralished now. Seriously i might say i will fail, but i really did not expect i will fail the test. Somehow while doing, i thought i could make it, no i told myself i have to make it cause i cant afford to disappoint anyone, but eventually i did. ^ HaIz ^ The questions seem very familiar, i remembered doing them before. But i really cant understand how come i can do them in class almost so perfectly and i fail the actual test? Damnit! Freaking pisseed off with myself now. How much more dumb and stupid can i be? Basic only le and yet i still can fail. WTF?! Feel like giving up driving le..... BoO-

Stupid test. Just let me drive the car and fulfil my dreams lahz. I can tell you out of 10 teenagers, ONLY 1 will follow the rules lorz. You tink teens like you and me will follow the sign boards? Overtake from the right? Stop for pedestrains? Stop and check blind spot? No overtaking slow cars? Maintain speed limit? Slow down? Bull shit!!! The above ALL are teens favourites lorz. Overtaking / exceed speed limit, you test them, they confirm pass with flying colours de lorz. BoO-

- aaaaaaaaRgHHHHHHHHHHGGGGgggggHHHHHHHHh -

I was in the verge of my tears upon seeing FAIL on the test screen. Fark! But DeaR came to my rescue. I really never expect to see him there. I took a cabbie down from school to BBDC, seeing DeaR standing at the entrance waiting for me. Goodness! Surprise and touched of course! :) Having a shoulder to lie on when things go wrong is the best thing i ever need from my love ones.

I wanted to go home very badly after the test. I wasnt in the best mood to speak to anyone even him. I know im being very unfair to him, but that's me and he knows. DeaR tried his best to cheer mi up but i just cant. I ignored him. At that point, i was like lost in my own world le. Feeling so dumb and useless. ^ HaIz ^

DeaR did not allow me to go home. We went down to Marina for fun. Walked aimlessly. I kept very quiet throughout the whole journey down town. Until he pulled me into arcade at Marina. At first i just stood there. Really lost. DeaR changed so many coins and forced me to play.

- Ta DaH -

I played Daytona ( my favourite ) / Street Fighter vs X-Men / Catcher ( the catch those toys inside the glass de lorz ) / Bishi Bashi. I really enjoyed myself. DeaR kept changing coins for me, i didnt even realised it, i just kept playing and playing to numb myself. But after the Street Fighter game, i was shagged out. The game seems like im the one fighting with X-Men. *_*

DeaR: Thanks- At least you still remembered everytime im down, arcade is the place i usually go to vent my anger on. You just kept quiet and see me play. You did not even blame mi for ignoring you. Xie xie ni. :)

Conclusion: Guys, go arcade when you are down. Those lame and aimless game can really save you from alot of heartbreaks. At least you wont tink about anything for the time being. Reali-

JaWs: Sorry. I know perhaps i have disappoint you. I did try, but somehow i really dono how come i did not make it thru. But thanks for calling me at that point of time and tell me " its ok. " I really need those 2 words at that very moment. Thanks-

Farking down now lahz. ^ SiaNz ^ Everything also must study de. K.N.S The worse thing is when i was on MSN, i saw few of my friends' nick:

1- " Fark! I failed my BTT again. 6 times le still cant pass. "

2- " KNN, this is the 5th time i took my BTT and im still failing. "

3- " I retook my BTT 6 farking times le! CB! Eveything also must study go die lahz! "

-_-" How to stay happy like that? Holy shit! Everywhere i go now i see the word BTT i scared siaz. *_* No joke! BoO- ^ HaIz ^

* Next test date: 12th December 2006. *

Sianz Day

2006-10-31T23:30:00.000-08:00

Wa phiangz, my mood today is really damn farked up lahz. I seriously lost in my own world lorz. ^ SiaNz ^ Im in total bad shape today lahz.... ( don ask why )

" Somehow, somewhere, sometime, everything you do seems to have affected me. I dono why but im really afraid my last night's decision. Maybe one day i will regret messaging that message, but at this point of time, i really dono. Im really sorry. " ^ HaIz ^

Why is it always that im the one hurting those who loves me while im always the one getting hurt by those people i love? Poeple say love make a person do silly things. I have done all the most silly things i can do le, but still, somehow or other, those silly things made me feel like a total fool. Perhaps, this whole life, im just destine to stay single. I made myself feel like a lil bitch now. Everything i do don seems right. I drag things on, people say wor, being unfair to him, bla bla bla. When i start to be firm and strong, people say im going a little too far. WTH?! ^ HaIz ^ Ok, i admit im going a little too far this time round le, im really sorry-

Kindly ignore what i have just said from the above. Im just not myself today. Everythine cant seems to go into my farking brain and mind. You know rubbish-in-rubbish-out? Anything that goes into my right ear today went out thru my left ear. Damnit! *_* But still, 19 was a really good girl today during Maths class lahz. She did her Algebra alone quietly lorz. 1st time she can sit there quietly and do her things le, surprising. BoO-

PMS? ( Property Management System class ) As usual, it just suck! Bored! My whole time there was like MSN and hacking into people's blog. Oh yah, my PMS test was like 38 / 40. Whatever! I seriously cant be bothered with anything today. Thou i might say, i expected was 39. Nvm. Im satisfied. :)

Tomorrow is my BTT le. And here i am not giving a farking damn about it. Seriously i don tink i will ever pass tml's BTT lahz. BoO- Total lost of confidence le. At least im not pinning too high hopes that i will go thru the test, but nvm. Im really prepared. I'll just retake and really put my effort in the next test bahz. Somehow, this test just came at the wrong time for me. ^ HaIz ^

JaWs: Sorry, maybe i might just disappoint you and your dad, but i seriously don tink im thinking right at this point of time. Just wish mi luck kkahz. Same to you. Good luck for your Final tomorrow. You can do it de. :)

Thomas told me a freaking big joke today:

tHoMaS: My friend just pass her 18t birthday today. I wanted to bring her to MOS for the 1st time.

HiS FrIeNd: But my mum needs me to reach home by 12am le. How? If not go go MOS around 7pm lahz.

-_-"

tHoMaS: 7pm?! Go there do wad?! Help them vaccuum and mop the floor arhz?!

- WaHaHa - Gods! His friend really damn innocent lorzx. ( how i wish i was like her ) *_* Some times know nothing or being naive ( just like my Xiu ) is probably the best thing in this society le bahz. Maybe you get cheated very easily, but at least you wont get hurt so much le. :pPp

MeL: How ya doing le? Taken ya medicine? See doctor le mahz? Drink more water and take care of urself kkahz? Hurry come back to school, im dead lonely. But i still have got my Xiu with me lahz. :) Sleep early this few nights kkahz, every single one of us miss you-

tHoMaS: I came home just now, my mum was asking me this very furnie question lorz, " Ger, you change perfume arz? How come you smell so " man " de? " -_-" ^ DuHz ^ See wad you have done to me. My whole uniform got the spell of you! BoO- Your perfume bloody strong lorz, i went for my theory class almost fainted, go everywhere also got your smell. Imagine myself going into the lift and people start saying: " How come she smell like a guy de, she bi-sexual arz? " K.N.S lucky i look like a typical girl lorz, if not die-

" SoMeBoDy " ( you noe who you are ): I really din mean to hurt you. Say whatever you want like " no you nvr hurt me " / " don be silly " whatever- I just noe you. You always say i act strong and everything, wad bout urself? Ok, i noe now im in no position to say wadever things to you le, but im really sorry-

I admit ok. I have already grown to depend on you guys alot le. I gotta stop it le. I will not and must not be dependent anymore, cause eventually, when any one leaves me, it gona be very painful. Therefore, i will stick to myself from today onwards. Don ask why when im sad. Don cheer mi up when im down. Just ignore me presence when i cry. I will learn to face things myself, i can do it de. :) But thanks for being around with me those past few months. I love you guys most- ( M,X,K,M,R,J,T ), especially YOU. --- Go slowly guesss bahz. :pPp I have decided to place a " No Entry " sign in front of my heart, not even authorized personnel are allow to enter le. This boundary i create might probably drive me crazy, but like i said i promise i will try.

+.+ My XiU +.+

I din noe you actually got problems in your relationship le. I din know it was like something quite serious. Don tell mi " no lahz, nothing lahz, im ok le! " Fark you understand?! Bloody shit ass. WHY IS IT EVERYONE OF YOUR HAVE TO SAY IM ACTING STRONG IN FRONT OF YOU GUYS WHEN YOUR ARE DOING THE SAME THING BACK TO ME?! Act, act, act! Got ahead and act sumore k? Go join Mediacork even better! BoO- Ok, back to business. Don love blindly just like me le. Lies are the most scary things to happen between you and your love ones. Subconciously, you will get yourself being paranoid, but you will never admit it because you keep lying to yourself: " No, i still trust him cause i love him. " That's total bull shit.

Why do guys have to lie to their gf about their past i really don understand. Why do people fall in love with another when they cant even forget their past? It's really unfair to the person standing right in front of you. Xiu, i used to feel like you. I was afraid of letting go cause im afradi he will not take me back, im afraid he will go back into " her " arms again. Im afraid, becasue im selfish. I don wana get myself hurt onace again, that is why here i am avoiding, for how long, i really dono. I just don wana lose.

Seeing so many cases now, thus, i seriously believe in this: The one being love always gets the best, but the one loving is always the one getting hurt, very badly.

Xiu, cheer up k! I know wad you wana say you are ok bla bla bla...up to you....let's just run away together from this farking love game kkahz. BoO- ^ bLeaHz ^ :pPp I love you-

My Flower

2006-10-30T23:30:00.000-08:00

Oh man! Something cheer mi up this morning. Really cheer mi up, but at the same time leaving me very confuse..... ^ HaIz ^.......

I was at home slacking until this uncle came knocking on my door. Upon seeing a man with a bouquet of flowers, my heart just whirl. To be honest, i was a little.....excited. *_*

WTF lahz! See the pictures?! Damnit! It was ok in my album de mahz. Holy shit! Nvm..... :(

BUT....

Who is the Ah Boi? I dono who you are. * WiNkz * To that person who gave me these flowers, thanks- You know who you are, weather you are reading or will be reading my blog, i wana say:

" Zhen de xie xie ni, wo zhen de hen xi huan ". :)

Finally watch " World Trade Centre " le. A true story base on courage and survival. Memerizing. Heart breaking. Heart wrecking show. The worst thing that pierce my heart was the facts that happened during the September 11th crash. How people tried so hard to survive, how people fought to keep themself alive. How they were seperated from their families and friends. ^ HaIz ^

Seriously, at that point i was wondering if i was the one stuck inside, trying so hard to look for sunlight, water and food. Xx, if you and me were inside, we confirm die 1st de lorz. You cant do without food, i cant do without water and rubbish. - WaHaHaHa -

I really cant imagine myself falling off the 110th floor building. You must as well just bang me from a shotgun and let mi die just like dat. ^ HaIz ^

Next targeted show: D.O.A ( Dead or Alive )

Who wana watch with mi this show ar? ( OMG, i sound so desperate, K.N.S ) I wana watch at Vivo City. So many people telling me the theatre how big how nice, but damnit! I nvr even step into it to see lorz. Suddenly feel like a village girl. * SoB *

To my friends who love me, i love you guys too. :) Don ask me why im saying all this, i might sound very lame to some of you, but its just a fact that is beyond my denial.

I Love You All-

~ N.I.T.E.Z ~

My Pictures

2006-10-30T11:00:00.000-08:00

Hey guys there will be a Fashion Attraction next Saturday, 4th Nov 2006. It's the Singapore's Designer Sale of the Year. Girls, go catch it horz, don waste this day, it's only a 1 day event at Raffles The Plaza Hotel. :)

RacH and Xx, this will be the event we will be working for. Dressing wise i will let you guys know again, but don play me out ar, if not i " bo sua " with your ar! :pPp I will double confirm the timing and everything with you agian kkahz.

I got another story share with you le:

" There was a blind girl who hated herself just because she's blind. Sahe hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend. He's always there for her. She said that if she could only see the world, she would marry her boyfriend.

One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her and then she can see everything, including her boyfriend.

Her boyfriend asked her: " Now that you can see the world, will you marry me? " That girl was shocked when she saw that her boyfrined is blind too and refused to marry him.

- B.I.T.C.H -

Her boyfriend walked away in tears and later wrote a letter to her saying: " Just take care of my eyes dear. "

* SoB * That farking bitch! I don mind marrying her boyfriend. :) - LaLaLa -

^ HaIz ^ This is how human brain changes when the status changed.

BUT....

Remember what life was before and who's always been there even in the most painful situations.

" Life is a gift. Today beofre you tink of saying an unkind word - Think of somone who cant speak. Today before you complain bout life - Think of someoe who went too early to heaven. And when you are tired and complain bout your job - Think of the unemplayed, the disabled and those who wished they had your job. But before you tink of pointing the finger or condemning another - Remember that not one of us are without sin and we all answer to one marker. And when depressing thought seem to get you down - Put a smile on your face and thank God you're alive and still around. "

Life is a gift, Live it, Enjoy it, Celebrate it N Fulfil it -

To ALL my friends that use to cross my life, this is for you. :)

* MuAcKz *

Work Work Work

2006-10-29T01:00:00.000-08:00

My Saturday and Sunday was burnt again. :( Working for the past both days, but quite cool lahaz, can earn quite good money, who cares. 6 hours of work, 80 bucks. Who don wan?! :pPp

I was at Vivo City Best Denki, under Braun. Just by standing there intorducing the new item to people was my job, no sales allowed, just intro. Easy job. -LaLaLaLa - My whole 6 hours was nothing but walk around the whole store. You can blind fold me now and ask mi walk around Best Denki in Vivo is really not a big problem to me le lorz. *_*

This is the new Braun shaver:

Washable / battery worked / lasting / wont rust, bla bla bla.....28 bucks only lorz! -_-" But it's out of stock le, just that Singaporeans only go for the cheapest thing? Even how many competitor you have in the market, as long as you sell the cheaper range, your grab will definitely be alot better de lorz.

It has been a long time since i met up with DeaR and go out with him le lahz. ^ HaIz ^ My weekends are always burnt now, school days no need say, i seldom meet people de. I was with DeaR for awhile on Saturday and he bought me this. ^ HoHo ^ - Cool -

My Nissan Fairlady 350Z:

So cool lorz. My favourite Nissan Fairlady 350Z. Both the engine and boot looks so real ok. See the stereo system in my boot. - WaHaHaHa - If only this is my real car....... :( Even now i start saving, don tink i can ever buy this car lorz. S$ 100 000 over le, moreover, it's only the estimated sum of money. BoO- Thus, i have decided, i DO NOT want to waste my time trying to save, end up getting disappointed with myself only. :( ^ KeKe ^ Saving is the worst thing i ever wana do lorz. Got how much spend how much is the best thing lahz. :pPp Don tink too far le. ^ HaIyOz ^

I go sleep le. Thou my work was easy, but by standing there with heels for freaking 6 hours is really tough. Guess that was the price i paid for bahz. :( My body and legs are breaking down le lahz. ^ SoB ^

~ WaN aN ~

School Day Sucks

2006-10-27T22:30:00.000-07:00

Just came back from gym. Oh my goodness! It has been a long time since i went to the gym le. Body also rusty le. :( But im really glad. Remember me saying that my aim is to get my body weight to 45kg? I weighed myself at the gym just now and ta dah! I shall officially announce that my current wight is 44.1kg! :) I did it! I finally did it, at least there is one thing in my life that im really satisfied now- Hmmmm..... :pPp ( but somehow i still think i look fat in the mirror le )
^ SiaNz ^

School?

Sucks! Today in school totally suck moi blood out clean from moi virgin body. Damnit! 1/2 of my day in school was like shit. Feeling like a total useless fool, quietly waiting for somebody to talk to me and answer me....but everything were in vain. Perhaps going to the gym was the best way to drench myself with sweat le bahz. All i wana focus on now is to get my body back into shape, that's all- ^ HaIz ^

Can i just tel you guys a story again? A story that left one of my friend hurt......

There used to be this 2 very good friends. ( friend A & friend B ) They might not understand each other very well, but still, they somehow or other, can communicate pretty well. They share everything under the sun. But something happen one day....

Friend A became very moody due to some things which friend A don wish to share with anyone. Friend B wanted to speak to friend A, wanted to share problems with that person, but friend A ignored her time after time. Friend B suddenly felt very useless and loss. She did not know what to do to make friend A smile, so friend B just followed quietly behind and beside her.

Almost the whole day. Friend A just kept her distance with friend B. Something caught friend B's eyes that left her heart shattered like fark. She realised friend A talks to everybody else instead of her. Suddenly, friend B felt so numb again. Reluctantly, she decided to back out from her for the time being because she felt she was not in any use anymore. ^ HaIz ^

Seriously, i was really sad for my friend lahz. Somehow feel it's also happening to me. No lahz, just joking- :)

But i wish Friend A and Friend B all the best. Friendship is not as simple as what you think. Don take each other for granted anymore. If not, the last person to regret all these will be youself and not others bahz. Friendship stands tall, very tall, and it's how you carry your friendship around. Plz don take each other for granted anymore, it will not only hurt yourself, but you are also hurting your partner- your good friend. o_O

MeL / Xx / KiaN / MaRk / JaWs, just for you-

Haiz

2006-10-26T01:00:00.000-07:00

DeaR: " Wo men zhen de mei you wan hui de lu le mahz?! "

" Wo zhen de bu zhi dao wo hai zai qi dai ze se mo, wo zhi xiang nu li rang ni kai xin er yi, ke shi yi ci you yi ci wo si bai le. Wo zhen de hen nu li le, ke shi wo you de dao le se mo? "

Mummy just talked to me awhile ago. She wants me to give up. She said she no longer wana see me this way anymore. How long more can i drag? Christmas? New Year? What more am i waiting and expecting for him and this relationship?!

Fark!

I drop my tear again! 19, you farking loser! Weaker! * BoO *

Save me plz! Somebody save me! Anyone will do, all i need now is YOU! * SoB * BUT not your pity or empathy- ^ HaIz ^

" Na zong xiang ku de gan jue ni dong mahz? Ni zhen de dong mahz? "

I just wana be your superwoman and trying to be your perfect gf, but i tink i failed again. Im sorry....

Happy Ever After

2006-10-26T00:00:00.000-07:00

I think i have recently just contracted a farking disease: Happily-Ever-AFter Deficiency Syndrome. ( HEADS ) <-- I happen to come across this " medical term " in Cleo mag. Sounds kinda interesting bahz. ^ LufFz ^

Subconsciously, i realised myself losing faith in sustaining relationship le. ( is not that i don wan, but in some cases, is really not up to mi to choose anymore ) Our generation now is a cynical bunch. People who likely and go arond predicting how long will a newly-formed couples likely to go: giving them a 3 months, six tops. Why the scepticism? Is it really the boredom of being in love again?

Of course! I know there are exceptions. There are still many hopeless romantics who shed tears of joy instead of pain. There are still ones who genuienly believe in their own Prince Charming who is willing to stay by their side FOREVER and PROTECT them from evil. Im out of this game already. ^ HaIz ^ ( thou i have to admit i like creating my own fairy tale time after time )

The above presence of those hopeless romantics injects are just dashes of hopes and some sad love stories. I have alot of friends out there who have been single, not because they haven found the right one, but cause they are afradi of getting hurt already. ( just like me )

I have to admit MOST SINGAPOREANS are far too realistic, idealistic and immature le. ( i said MOST not ALL ) I also dare say MOST of us out there crave for intimacy and stable relationships, but somehow there is just this fear niggling in me that makesmi hold back from truly believing what we want is possible. Maybe is the betrayal that once happened on me that crushed my trust. BUT.....

That does not neccessary mean i totally stop believing in fairytale romance altogather le. Seeing brutal break-up ( that might just happen to me anytime now ) left me baffled over the possibility of " TOGETHER FOREVER ". Hey, but im really proud to say the boi in my life now is still my first and only love bahz. :)

Although i might not be sure if we'll get the happy ending i always desire, i know i have already worked hard, very hard to make every magical step of our journey towards the final sentence that closes my fairytale.

Who knows? Maybe i will start believing in " happily-ever-afters " once again? :) BUT! Don lie to yourself anymore. Just remember this:

" Fairytales are jsut too perfect and they don reflect our reality at all. "

Say im emotional, say im lame. Im just stating some fact that i suddenly thought of. Why not jsut tell mi straight in my face:

" 19, you farking " bo liaoz " le, so emo for wad "

AND, i shall ans you this:

" Is it my farking problem that im " bo liaoz "? Is this suppose to be your job to screw mi? Don like den don read! *_* " ( im born to be emo by the way, got the balls, go try and screw my parents for giving birth to me like dat )

I dare to write, i dare to accept any comments ok?! ^ aRgHhH ^ ( look, im just trying to act fierce here, the above is STRICTLY for outsiders ONLY, NOT my own friends )

* MuAcKz *

MaRk: Now that you have gotten your " cai cai " number le. Say thanks- *_* Got new friend le lorz... Enjoy arz, but plz know your limit horz, if not you WILL NOT be forgiven in any ways!!! :pPp

I seriously cant understand guys anymore. Is is really what you wan or are you just trying to spike youself with things?! Nvm...but, is cause of all these that makes girls feel so insecure bahz-

~ WaN aN ~

Finally Back....

2006-10-24T22:30:00.000-07:00

YiPeeeeeEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!

Finally gotten back my lappie le. I apologise for the delay in blogging. :( Blame it on........

Ok. I know my spelling sucks! * K.N.S * I was jsut testing you guys only lorz, if you really reading my blog. - LaLaLa- Oh no, i got so much to blog but somehow i just dono where to start anymore. That's the worse thing- ^ HaIz ^

Let mi try and think:

- I went ECP with my mates cycling.

- I watched " Death Note " ( Finally.......... )

and

- Im sick.

+.+ DeAtH NotE +.+

" KiRa or L "

Choose 1. " Faith / Yunting / 19 ". ^ LufFz ^ Erm, not too bad lahz. The start of the show can be real boring thou. Wanted to try the Cinema at Vivo City de, but too many people le, ended up in Marina. ^ EeEeEe ^ ( small kids plz :pPp ) Heard the anime of this show was pretty good le, go U-tube check it out bahz. Part 2 might be out anytime this year if im not wrong. If i was given a chance to hold on to the " Death Note " book, i will definitely write my parents name 1st, den my name, den i'll throw away the book. How smart can 19 be. ^ WiNkz ^ But i asked my parents le, they don wana die of heart attack, they wana die in their sleep, just like me. I wana dream, dream, dream, dream until i die. - WaHaHaHaHa - -_-"

+.+ EaSt CoAst PaRk +.+

Damn sad lorz, so little pics taken for that day. Haiyoz..... :( But nvm, memories are right here in my ("v"). - LaLaLa -

After ECP, we went over to Chinatown ( People's Park Complex ) for dinner. Curry Fish Head. ^ dRoOLinG ^ Honestly, the Curry Fish Head is freaking good. No joke- Plus the Fish & Chips, vegetables, egg..... - OMG- Damnit! But i fell sick after that le. ^ HaIz ^

Hurry guess who's the 2 babes?! ^SiaNz ^ Nobody kiss me.... :(

Cough / Flu / Fever

Choose any one and i have got any one. Fark! :( Headed home after that le. Knock out when i was home. Fortunately, my leg did not give way even after 2 hours of riding. :)

I seriously dono wad im blogging le. Everything seems to be in bits and pieces. Perhaps is just that im not really in a mood to blog now, perhaps is because my heart is in fragments. Whatever!

!@#$%^&^%^%$#@!!@#$%%

Farking hell! I feel like screaming now! ^ aRgHgHgHgH ^ I apologise, shall blog another day bahz.

Not Right With Myself

2006-10-16T22:30:00.000-07:00

Why the hell did i wake up so early this morning?! Dumb-

Thinking back bout last night, suddenly thought why was i so lame and high afterall? Is there a problem in myself that i don wana face or admit? I seriously dono. True enough, i have yet to stay firm with my decision. My heart is freaking confused now. The worse thing is that i dono for what reason that im confuse, for what reason that my heart is whirling.

MeL, you told me to be satisfied in everything i do right? But i have to admit i cant.

Farking shit!

* Good luck to myself for the Front Office paper later. *_*

Back from schoo. F/O paper was ok. No promise that i could get an " A " but i knoe at least i tried to. :) Im just satisfied. ^ LufFz ^ There was something in my mind i wanted to blog about but somehow or either i just forgot againz. Damnit!

Anyway, thanks for my " ai xin liang cha ". :) Seriously i never tried and liked peppermint de le cause " la la " de, the feeling so scary, like anytime gona burn me lorz. But horz, after today, i have to admit peppermint is not bad afterall. ( muz see who buy mahz horz?! :pPp ) To know who you are, thanks-

Still, my throat is not getting any better le. ^ SiaNz ^ Hey, but i still can talk alot le. No joke, i talk non-stop my throat also can take it siaz, but the moment i stop talking, my kick come back le. ^ WiNkz ^ No joke lahz, im not trying to be furnie ok, this kind of thing lie to your for wad. ^ HuRmP ^

Haze! Haze! Haze!

PSI level: 130

Fark off man. Stupid Indonesianz. You must as well burn Singapore at the same

time and let us all die one for all all for me, the more people die the merrier life would be isnt it?! Bloody assholes! You guys making my eyes dry, throat pain, sneeze for no reason, adding my sensitive skin problems. Don torture us anymore.

Let's just get burnt together than having to slowly torture us and die so tragedy right?! ^ GrRrRrRr ^

RRRROOOOOAAAAARRRRRRRR!

Go home do some revesion on how to save the planet and how to take care of the environment lahz. Need Ms 19 to teach you guys how to protect the Greeneries? You Indonesians drving everyone crazy. Mummy is nagging me now for going out so often le. Bloody hell! Wait till one day my mum go crazy and lock mi in the house, the 1st thing i gona do when im out is: I gona fly over to Indonesianz and burn your to death i tell you!!! ^ aRgH ^ -_-"

If this month ALL Singporeans P.U.B bills go high up into the sky, remember this, you guys are the casue of it!!! People on the air-con 24 hours, bath at least 4 times a day and MOST people love staying at home during this period of time. Sickening Indonesians fire-putter! * PuIz *

FYI- The Reasons For Burning The Forests:

1- You guys have nothing better to do.

2- You guys have too much time to spend on.

3- You guys dono what to do in life anymore.

Therfore...

The Negative Effects Of You Indonesianz:

1- You make Singpaoreans puke.

2- You make MI anti-Indonesianz.

3- You make me waste my bloody precious time praying for you....

" Oh Lord, kindly just find things for these bloody people to do, rather than having them to go harming the innocence. May God bless you always- "

P.S

Bloody Shitz! *_* If one day i were to die from this haze, i'll definitely turn into a angry ghost and haunt you all and make your perish with me with no regrets- BoO!

Family Matters

2006-10-15T23:30:00.000-07:00

Finally, i got to watch Rob-B-Hood le. I have to admit it's a freaking furnie cum sad movie lahz. The furniest part is the " NG " towards the end of the show. Damn lame lorz. Cant imagine how the little baby will look like when he grows up, confirm very good-looking de lorz. Big eyes and amazing smile. OMG~

Wanted to watch " Death Note " so badly de. Today is the sneak preview and i missed it. Everywhere was sold out. Fark! Should know i wake up earlier lahz.
^ aRgH ^ 19th October, few more days niaz..... *_* Can wait one....But seriously there are a few shows i wana catch le. They seems to be super tempting lorz.
:( Check out the trailers:

http://www.apple.com/trailers/paramount/wtc/small.html

http://www.apple.com/trailers/universal/youmeanddupree/trailer_small.html

Last but not the least, my favourite: :)

http://www.encorefilms.com/fl-deathnote-trailer-02.html

What the hell is happening to me today. I think i falling sick soon again le lahz. My throat is hurting me like crazy lorz. I cant even swallow my saliva now.
^ aRgH ^ Everytime i swallow any food or water, i just feel like cutting out my throat and throw it into the middle of the road, let the cars crush it so " my throat " will know the feeling of betraying me. ^ HuRmP ^ Ok, i know i sound lame, but it really hurts.

Moreover, wondering how did i manage to get my leg with this:

Fark! It's damn painful lahz! The worse thing was when i was in the bathroom about to bath, i hit my calf against the pail in the toilet. Holy shit! Bloody painful lorz! Check out my blue black the next few days, i cant even walk properly now. What's the problem with me today, nothing seems right. I walked out of my room, my knckles hit my piano. Oh my goodness! Cant believe it lahz- o_O Nvm, life is more challenging this way isnt it? :pPp ( stop entertaining yourself 19 )

Anyway, this is for you " SpIdeRMaN ":

Doesnt it look similar to you? Think harder dude....

Ok. I did something childish today again. I went to the machine to turn the My MeL MeL thingy again. LaLaLa-

Step 1:

Step 2:

Ta Da!

It comes in 5 colous if im not wrong. 1st try and i got a blue one. So not happening de lorz. :( Good try thou, i will still continue playing everytime im down at Cine. I wana collect all the colours. *_*

By the way, plz plz plz, DO NOT buy A BANANA when you eat outside. My goodness, it freaking expensive lorz. ^ sHaKes HeAd ^ This bloody banana costs my little cousin 50cents, i told him i can buy a whole chunk of bananas let him eat until he scared arhz. *_* The worse thing is the banana looked so skinny, not even a well-grown banana yet. ^ GrRrRrRrrRr ^

Pathetic little thing. I rather you grow bigger and older than let people eat you lahz. Stupid-

+.+ FaMiLy MatteRs +.+

Wads up babe? How come suddenly both of you the problems seemed the same de. Family? This kind of thing no one has the right to poke into this matter. But still, i wana share your problems. All you need in a family is love and tolerance-

I have my own family problems. Big problems, when i was a little kid. In fat not a kid, i was already in Primary school by then le. Which family wouldnt quarrel about $$? Im speaking on the majorities end now. Money was the biggest enemy in my family. Day and night, my parents will quarrel. This was the thing i would never be able to forget. I rememberd hearing my name in between ALL their quarrels.

" YOU THINK I WANA STAY INTHIS FAMILY, IF NOT FOR AH GER I WILL LEAVE! "

" GO AHEAD! "

I forgot who said what. All i knew was " Ah Ger here, Ah Ger there. " Damnit! Until one day, i knew this will not go on anymore. I don wana be the 3rd party. Im was the innocent one, but it seemed to me like im the casue of their problems!!! My dad was even seldom home. He spent his weekend working just to avoid quarrels with mummy. I saw daddy like 2 weeks once? He don even remembered my age, birthday, how old am i, which school am i in, bla bla bla, almost everything bout me he jus said: " i forgot. " I had enough!!! I told them off.

" DADDY, I HAD ENOUGH! THIS IS A HOME, NOT A BROKEN ONE. I DON UNDERSTAND WHY IS IT EVERY FRIENDS OF MINE SPENT THEIR TIME WITH THEIR FAMILY ON THE WEEKENDS WHEN I ONLY SEE YOU LIKE FEW TIMES IN A MONTH? ARE YOU REALLY MY DAD? WHY IS IT THAT EVERYBODY KNOWS ACCPET FOR YOU?! "

" IT SEEMED LIKE IM THE CASUE OF EVERYTHING! FINE! I'LL LEAVE! IS MONEY REALLY ALL THAT YOU GUYS THINK ABOUT? CANT YOUR SEE THE LOVE ANYMORE?! IF MONEY IS REALLY THAT IMPORTANT, AT THE 1ST PLACE, YOU GUYS SHOULDNT HAVE BROUGHT ME HERE, YOU HAVE THE RESPONSIBILITY TO TAKE CARE OF ME, BUT IF YOU THINK MONEY IS ALL THAT YOUR NEED, FORGET ABOUT THIS CHILD YOU HAVE! "

* SoB *

I don say i regret saying all these. Becasue these words brought my family back together. The purpose im saying all these is that the thing that a family needs most is commnication + understanding. If they cant understand you in all ways, be the one. The one who puts in the effort to understand them. All i can say is some people or parents are just not fond or good in showing they actually love and care for you. Perhaps to you it's the wrong methods, but to them, they might just think they are right.

Put yourself in thier shoes. Try, try and understand them regardless of what happens k. I did my part by telling them howi felt, they tried to understand me and i tried to understand them. Our bond is closer now and im really glad. :) Thanks god-

MeL: Abuse is not the way out for you. I cant say bring your *** to justice, which i know you wont, but still, you still have us to turn to. What do you exactly mean by you are alone?! ^ HaIz ^ If you tink you are alone den fine, 19 shall not ever bother about you anymore. Thus, you know why i hate to talk about money between us? Casue i have phobia le, the phobia in being sensitive bout $$ issues. Understand me plz-

Xx: You trying to be furnie arhz. What don wana hire lawyer main reason becuase no $$?! WTH?! Xx, at least you have gotta a bf who's always with you and a father who supports you. No family in this universe is ever perfect understand? Your mummy may be like for her reasons. Everyone just like you and me, we do things for a reason.

" Love Me For A Reason, Don Love Me For Fun, Let The Reason Be Love. "

Cheer up babes-

Conclusion: $$$ SUCKS! It is not everything. $$$ can never give you the freedom and happiness you want besides saying you can get what you want, but think about it, so what? Want $$$, earn yourself and learn to save them. Be happy and satisfied with wad you have, don envy anyone who is rich because internally, you dono what they faced everyday. Perhaps they are just like you and me, we want $$$, they wan hapiness and freedom whichwe jolly well have but they don- :)

* Guys, remember to bring along your calculators for tml's F/O test. ( just in case ) Good luck and all the best dudes. To the person who never believes in luck, up to you- ^ BleaHz ^

Waiting....

2006-10-14T16:00:00.000-07:00

Finally complete " The Magicians of Love ". :)

Just reach home. Out whole night- I cant believe it but this is the 1st time in my 19 years that i went out last night at around 9pm and reached home at 1pm this afternoon. I totally forgot i have a F/O test on Monday! Damnit! Here i am studying.... ^ SoB ^ ..... at the same time blogging lahz. :pPp

This message is out to M and X againz. Thanks for things you guys bought for me. The happy thing is that you guys bought for 1 and the only reason- Friendship. Thanks.

Ms Black Pig from MeL:

Wondering why did this pig turn out inverted arz? How to turn the pig around, teach me le because it appears to be the right image in my computer lorz. :(

Ms Pink Gui Gui from Xx: See? My " Gui Gui " seems alright le. ^ HuRhuRz ^ Help wor lahz......

MeL: Thanks for the message you written for me. Our friendship rocks always. :)

Test your eye power dudes. :) I Love You MeL- I somehow did not realised my blog is so different from other people. Not realising it after so many years until people came telling me about it. " Hey, you realised your blog very super emotional de? For anything and everything, you simply can make things sound so sad / happy in a very different way- which is your own point of view. ) " Very emo mehz? Is this suppose to be a compliement or insult arz? I mean i cant satisfy everybody in what your wana read, simple reason- it's my blog and i write wad i think wad i want. Don like it? Den don read, simple as that. :pPp

+.+ A DrOwNed HeArt +.+

Hey guys, the following things i gona say take it for granted k. They may not be what i meant or they may be. They may be for someone out there, but it might not be you. So don presume things that im thinking, if it's for you, ask me- Don jump to conclusion and eventually im the blame for making you sad or angry. I don wana be assumed anymore. It's unfair to me-

Waiting? Do anybody out there know this word might not mean anything to you but it may mean alot to the somebody you told this word to? It's not just a word you should simply say out becasue what if, im saying what if only, that person takes it seriously that you will wait no matter how long? I have already waited for somebody i shouldnt have waited, and i waited in vain. Because i always confidently thought " he will wait ". Pinning so much hopes on that person, that person just say " im sorry....i cant wait for you anymore, im not the one. Bla bla bla.. " and this poor little victim have to just smile and say " it's ok. :) "

Just like what i saw i the show. The main actor waited for this ger for 3 freaking years just for her return. But did she? Yes she did, but after 3 years of not contacting him and leavinghim alone. All she said was: " I was too confident in him i thought he wil really wait. " Get what i mean? Is she now pushing the blame to the guy just because he did not wait for her eventually? Or is she just saying this to make herself feel happier? Selfish- * PuIz * Good for her, the guy fell into another girl's heart. :p

Listen carefully or you might just regret it. Mean what you say, but before you speak and say anything to that person, think twice. Words said out cant be return. Only take that person's 1st word becasue the 1st word means the most.

I have to say i love the things that you said to me. It might be just a sudden feeling that you wana say and that you don mean it but i really appreciate and love them. But plz, don create another fairy tale for me le. I have already created one but destroyed it by myself. I don wana have another day that things seems and appear so nice, but before you can even try and thank that person, the person just say good-bye and leaves for good.

I'll return the words that you say to me-

Even if you regret saying those words don tell me k. I don wana get hurt anymore. After saying all these, i might just say i will lost you for good. The conclusion may not be what i want but tell me is there anything else i can do or can i do to ever make you happy? Nahz- Nothing! I would rather having you not by my side now than having to create more fairy tale memory with you, then the pain in future will be for real.

But today, you proved me right, that eventually what i have said is right. Maybe like what you do now by ignoring me is the best way le. Thanks-

" When i saw his / her eyes i just wanted to fall into his / her arms. When he / she held mi tight, i felt i was safe. When he / she spoke " sweet talk " to me, i felt all warm and toasty inide. When he / she lend over and kissed me, i felt like he / she means every word he / she says. It also made me all tingly inside. When he / she hold my hands and squeezed it, giving me a look like he / she will never let me go! But having to be told somwthing that wasnt even true and didnt see or talk to him / her about itso i believed everyone else over my love- Which was a really wrong thing to think about because i should have trusted him / her like i did. But now i cant change it anymore. It isnt gona change anything now, so i just have to suffer for the rest of my life for that one person who made me happy and made me feel special and showed me that love is all that i need. "

Im sorry for the things i said to you....

Are you able to see that crumbled object in that hole? That's my heart dismantled into little pieces- Each holds a meaning to it,

One piece holds every every lie that you told me and made me cry.

Another large piece is the memory of you and her together and the feeling.

A small bit of mine holds the memory of that miserable day when my heart sank into that hole, while another part holds the shame of wanting to let you go.

Down with my heartrt went my hopes and dreams and my faith in love again.

If you look deep into that hole you will see crying eyes, a deprived soul, little pieces of shattered heart and crumbled heart. ( but that's provided if you really understand and know me deep down from your heart, mark your soul. )

But....

One day my heart will rise again and be restored. Which is the only bit of hope that was retrived from the wreckage of my heart.

Will you be the one to help mi restore my heart again? I Need You-

Do you know? What's the feeling like when A Heart Is In Pain?

Let me just tell you-

A heart in pain, it's me that must say, a pain that i'm trying so hard to make it fade, but it's there, like if pain has lost it's way home already...

A heart in pain, devastated by words expressed, pain inflicked not caring the less, a sunset that turned to clouds a dark place puts my heart to the test, how much more can this heart of mine take it before it take it's final test?

A heart in pain, a black cloud that surrounds it not letting a sleet of light comes in, a shadow so dark, my heart so tired of the pain, feeling like i can't take another day of agony...

I pay to the all mighty to take this pain away from me plz, let me sleep and have the sweetest dreams.

A heart in pain must one let themselves die in vain.

My Wonderful Lunch

2006-10-13T02:30:00.000-07:00

Before i go further, DeaR, just wana say thanks to you. Despite not having send time with you at all, you still remembered our anniversary and gave me this. Thanks-

Precious Moments:

My Key Chain:

+.+ GoSSiPs +.+

Ok. Me and MeL have been gossiping in class recently. Just to prevent ourselves from falling asleep in class lahz. Not as if we have so much time to talk about other people. In fact, we werent gossiping. I was just letting MeL know about some things which i don tink i wana hide from her in any way becasue that only shows how much i don trust her lorz. Horz MeL? :pPp

Check out our stylo milo notebook:

- Style lorz -

MeL, only if in your textbooks you can write so nice and neat lorz. ^ BleAhz ^ LaLaLa~ Only if you got super duper eyes to see what's written inside my book, if not den too bad le. :p

+.+ My LuNch +.+

My Spagetti:

My Scrumble Egg & Dogs:
Suddenly felt so fortunate. The feeling of being loved by my friends is really so warm and nice. I somehow just cant express myself with those " chim chim " words anymore, but all i think i can think of now is just a simple yet so loving word: Thanks- :)

You know who you are dudes. My lunch today simply was the best lahz! Everything tasted so good and wonderful. No joke- 19 is really serious and sincere in this ok. ^ HuRmP ^

~ Xie Xie Ni Men ~ :)

+.+ LoNeLy +.+

Sitting here, suddenly with no one to talk to. MeL, you were right. So what if people seems close to you, but in their hearts, we are so close yet so far. Right, nobody can be trusted anymore. Dono why after i heard some things from someone, i was totally down. I tink i somehow regretted telling so much le.

Afterall, me and that person......Nvm.......

Fark you 19! When the hell you became so sensitive over things that you realised is no longer important to you? ^ aRgH ^

Friendship? MeL you were right. Stay neutral. I gona do that le, if not i tink i gona face more senerios that gona hurt me in future. Prevention is better than cure. ^ HaIz ^

" I messaged " the him " asking if he wana meet mi and go school togather. Not realising " the him " meeting sombody else but " the him " said ok, no problem. "

" Upon reaching the place, " the him " asked me to accompany him buy some food casue he hungry, of course, without 2nd thought i said ok lorz. "

" But " that somebody " he was supposed to meet called. " The him " used my phone to call back to that person. That person asked him: " You with Faith ar? " "

" Answering that person, he said ya- Continue saying: " Oh, i happen to see her. " "

Fark!

OIC! HAPPEN TO SEE ME?! Is this suppose to be a lie to yourself or that person? Like i said, eventually in love, people tend to be so selfish. But plz, tink about it, have you even considered to person standing beside you feeling so accused?! Fark off! Meeting you guys was the biggest mistake in the 1st place le!!! ^ GrRrRrrRr ^

Dono when the hell i became so stupid. So stupid until people using you as a spare tyre and you din even realised it. ^ HaIz ^

Feeling so frustrated now. Lucky i have got MeL, Xx and Roy with me this time. I don care if they lied telling me they are on my side, at least they cared. At least they understand how i felt being made use, at least they know, i am hurt. :(

" Always stand by me? ^ DuHz ^ Now i know what lies really meant- And i am saying it hurts. Don promise me things that cant be done anymore. I don wana believe in empty promises anymore. Let's just forget about the promises we made to each other k? It doesnt matter anymore..... "

I apologise. Don bother bout this post if your don understand wad the fark i talking about now. Casue even myself, im confused. Realising when a person is confused, the things they write is exactly how they feel. I dono what i wan, wad i thinking anymore. Sorry....

MeL and Xx, have a sudden urge to see you guys now. I also dono why. But nvm, having both of you in my mind now is more than enough. I miss you-

~ WaN aN ~ :(

Im With You

2006-10-12T09:30:00.000-07:00

Have you ever wondered which hurts the most?

Saying something and wishing you hadn't?

Or saying nothing and wishing you had?

I guess the most important things are the hardest things to say. Don't be afraid to tell someone you love them.
If you do, they might break your heart...if you don't, you might break theirs.

Have u ever decided not to become a couple because you were so afraid of losing what you already had with that person?

Your heart decides whom it likes and whom it doesn't.You can't tell your heart what to do. It does it on its own........when you least suspect it, or even when you don't want it to.

Have you ever wanted to love someone with everything you had, but that other person was too afraid to let you?

Too many of us stay walled up because we are too afraid to care too much...for fear that the other person does not care as much, or even at all.

Have you ever denied your feelings for someone because your fear of rejection was too hard to handle?

We tell lies when we are afraid... afraid of what wedon't know, afraid of what others will think, afraid of what will be found out about us.

But every time we tell a lie, the thing we fear grows stronger .

Life is all about risks and it requires you to jump.Don't be a person who has to look back and wonder what they would have done, or could have had.

What would you do if every time you fell in love you had to say good-bye?

What would you do if every time you wanted someone they would never be there?

What would you do if your best friend died tomorrow and you never got to tell them how you felt? ( even if it is that you don't care anymore)

What would you do if you loved someone more than ever and you couldn't have them?

What would you do if you never got the chance to say I am friends with all of my family and they know I love them?

People live, but people die. I want to tell you that you are a friend. You would be in my heart.

Would I be in yours?

If you care about me as much as I care about you?

Self-denial to yourself and the one you love is the worst tragedy i have ever come across. Don lie to yourself and don lie to the person anymore. Let that person know-

Even if you know he / she wouldnt love you, the best you can do is to love that person with all your heart and be there for him / her whenever they need you.

Love is selfish, love is blind- Time will prove everything.

08: Loving a person is tough. He may not be able to love you anymore, but that doesnt mean you cant love him and that shouldnt stop you for loving him. Never compare yourself to others becasue you'll never know how wonderful you can be. Love is truely farking selfish. All you can do now for him is to sit alone quietly and hope he'll be happy always-

Don ever regret loving him or what you have done for him, but regret the things that you haven done for him: And that is to be there for him whenever he needs you and wants you.

Like i promise, i will understand and be with you always. :)

" If you need a shoulder to cry on, call on me and i'll be there. But still i don wana see you cry casue every drop of your tears is every wound in my heart... "

Im returning this message you once gave me back to you. Stay happy always. You have me and your " Best Friend " with you forever- ( thou i no longer believe in forever anymore ^ HaIz ^ ) Cheer up k? * MuAcKz *

MXK: The above message is for you guys too and i mean it, especially to you MeL. I love you guys most! :)

All i need from you is not a " Thank You " but " I Need You " from you to me. Let me know that you need me and want me, that only proves im someone important in your ( " v " ) ( heart ).

Another Shit Day

2006-10-11T23:15:00.000-07:00

Another shit day gonez-

It has been a long time since i came online to blog. 2 reasons: Fri - Sun, i was either sleeping or at AMK. Mon, i was lazy. I spent almost 1/2 the day on the DVDs MeL MeL lent me. ( The Magicians of Love ) Today, really tired, but somehow, i just feel like blogging about what happened. ^ HaIz ^ ( nothing got to do with my relationship anymore, im tired- )

Back to Fri - Sunday. That were perhaps the 3 most " non-stressful " days bahz. I owe no explaination, but im just happy.

ToMatO: Perhaps the know the answer best bahz. ^ LufFz ^ Anyway that night you " no big no small " arhz! I caught you intimidating " san cai tong zi " from the way he walk to the way hope. Daring siaz you. :pPp Anyway i never go down unwilling horz, if i really so unwilling i wont go down le. I tink my face always the same pattern de lahz, i just too tired bahz- :(

Monday?

Watching drama series the whole night. A kind of show that, well, people say will make me stupid. But i tink these shows just help mi create the kind of fairy tale love story i looking and searching bahz. Hmmm....im now only left with Part 2. Jia You 19! ^ WiNkz ^

Tuesday?

Just back from my driving theory lesson as usual. Suddenly feel like blogging about things. So many things. Love between friends. A kind of dangerous love that hurt so many parties. Is love really so blind and selfish that that don even care who they have hurt as long as they are happy will do? All they care is about how they feel only, what about the rest? I mean, yeah, if im the one in love, ill probably wont even care about anything and just go grab my boy and be with him, who cares who i hurt and what they gona say me. But thinking back, is this a selfish way of love? That you wana achieve your own happiness but neglecting all your surroundings? BaHz-

Why bother?

What if 1 day somebody come telling you that she was judged unfairly? She was treated unfairly? She was trying her very best to be who she wana be jsut for him? Telling me that she hope i can be by her side supporting and understanding her? That she finally fell for him and all she got in return was nothing but disappointments proving to herself that she was not that worthwhile afterall? Aiya, dono lahz! ^ HuRhUrZ ^

" Wei se mo na ge fu chu zui duo de ren zhong shi shou dao zui da de shang hai? "

By the way, i was really grateful to Ah Long for messaging me this afternoon telling me all the best in my theory lesson, asking me to concentrate bla bla bla, knowing that i had a long day in school and everything. Thanks- Im not trying to compare, but if this message was from DeaR, perhaps i would be even happier than anything. Too bad, when a couple get together for too long, people tends to take advantage on what they have. Just like, to DeaR, perhaps messaging me that is not a neccessity at all. ^ HaIz ^ It's ok, i know i still have my friends with me thou... :)

Wednesday?

Receiving this message from RaI was one of the best thng i received.

" It should have been simple to begin with, but in the end it could not have been more complicated and maybe that was the whole point to begin with. But if love is true and still leaves you lonely, what good does it do? We have our whole life ahead of us. Dont spent all our time in the past. It can follow us around with a life of its own "

It's always easier to be said than getting things all done. It's really tough. But babe, i understand. And thanks- I appreciate it. Realising i may be foolish in the things i do, but i guess that's all about love bahz.

+.+ Im LoSt +.+

After so many things that had happened, i lost confident in the battle i fought this past 2 years. I lose to myself. No longer believing in " Forever ", " Dependent ", " Love ", " Trust ", " Happiness". Is these all i should achieve after striving for so hard for my own happiness with him? Im becoming to weak that i realised i have been depending on my friends for support already. Im feeling so insecure in whatever things i do. I no longer believe in love, care and concer. When people care, i take it as empathy. When people love me, i took it as they pity me. WTF?! The feeling of being insecure suck!

Can anyone out there just give me a tight hug and tell me you love me and you need me? Tell mi that im worth everything, tell me that.....

No matter wad happens you'll always stand by me?

I know you may be lying to me, but maybe a little white lie to make me feel secure and make me belive in what you call " Forever " again. These may be lies to you but it might just worth everything for me. ^ HaIz ^ Let me just lie to myself for the time being that you guys love me k? *_*

" Every 60 seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back. "

" Baby, u are all that i need & i wan. Hold on to me tight & never let me go plz. "

Zoo with DTM Mates

2006-10-07T06:00:00.000-07:00

I am so happy! *_*

JaWs: Finally im saying that, because i finally went to the zoo after so many years of my life le.
^ LufFz ^

That night was a real tough night for me. Going to the zoo for 3/4 of the day was really exhausting, plus going to Ang Mo Kio that night, left the place only like early in the morning the next day? Cant imagine myself being out almost like 18hours a day without any rest. o_O That night really freaked me out! ^ aRgH ^ My eyes were like 1/2 wide 1/2 close. ^ GrRrR ^

+.+ ZoO +.+

MXFMKGRRAQ- The Group I Always Love

I named the Black seal Mr Blackie, i seriously dono if that's a seal anyway. *_*

Eat my hand. That's the silly me and MeL. Btw, the croc is a " real " one....

Trying to be the 2nd Steve Irwin....Eat my head! Stupid 19 and Rach. *_*

Surf Girls! *_*

Girls Power! :pPp

Troubled 19 and MeL. :(

The Duck Mouth- So ugly!

4 big indecisive man- Haiz!

To conclude my excursion to the zoo, all i need is just 1 word: BORED! I thot after so many years i could at least see some difference in the animals, but bahz- Nothing! Totally nothing that was fascinating lorz. The only reason why i enjoyed was because i have got my group of dudes who willing to spend their whole day at the zoo to search for animals. *_* But not neglecting the fact that im a Tourism student now. No more bad-mouthing. Please support Singapore Zoological Garden. They have beautiful animals / mammals / reptiles many more. But 1 thing for sure, 1 day isnt enough to be at the zoo, cause till this point of time, i still cant manage to find the long neck animal, i apologise, but i tink i forgot how to spell le. ^ OopPppssSSs ^ BoO-

Another thing adding to my frustration now. Haze. Stupid Indonesianz. Don they have anything else better to do den burning the forests? It might not affect me much, but it's making my eyes farking dry lorz! o_O ^ GrRrRrrRrr ^ Poor trees!

Im freaking tired now-

The next few days, i will only be at AMK. Guys, sorry i cant meet you all on Saturday, enjoy urself ahz! :)

WTF lahz! You know how long i took to load the pics? Like the farking past 1 hour le lorz. Damnit! Thought of posting more pics there, but guess save it up le. Better just post all these pics before i flare up and throw my lappie down the 13th floor! ^ GrRrRrrrRrr ^ NBCB!

RRROOOOAAAARRRR!

Ai Hai Tao Tao Lyric

2006-10-06T23:30:00.000-07:00

+.+ Ai Hai Tao Tao +.+

1- Shi zhe qu nu li Gu qi yong qi Fang qi ni

Zong shi bu zhen qi Mei you zhe me guai she hui an jing

Jiu lian yan lei Shi ke zai ti xing Gen ben wu fa fang de xia ni

Qi hei de ye wan Hai shi zhao dao le wo Pai shang dao hai lai xi

2- Yi ding shi wo bu gou hao Shuo yi ni cai xiang yao tao Tao dao tian ya he hai

jiao

Duo zai bie ren de huai bao Ni neng bu neng bu guan guo de hao bu hao

Bu yao gu yi duo kai bu rang wo zhi dao

Zhi yao ni guo de hen hao She me dou yi bu zhong yao

Wo bu hui gu yi da rao Gen bu hui rang ni fan nao

Wo mei yi ye bu guan ni zhi bu zhi dao sha sha liu zhe yan lei mo mo de qi dao

Xi wang ni guo de hao

* Repeat 1

* Repeat 2

Zong you yi tian ni hui kan dao Ai bu hai xian qi jing tian zhi tao

Wo hui yi mu jian bu zui de li liang rang ni zhi dao

Yi ding shi wo bu gou hao Shuo yi ni cai xiang yao tao

Tao dao tian ya he hai jiao Duo zai bie ren de huai bao

Ni neng bu neng bu guan guo de hao bu hao

Bu yao gu yi duo kai bu rang wo zhi dao

Zhi yao ni guo de hen hao She me dou yi bu zhong yao

Wo bu hui gu yi da rou Gen bu hui rang ni fan nao

Wo mei yi ye Bu guan ni zhi bu zhi dao

Sha sha liu zhe yan lei mo mo de qi dao

Xi wang ni guo de hao

" Spiderman " this is the song you wanted. Don say i not good. Im changing all these into " hanyu pinyin " le horz! *_*

19 go orhz le....

~ Wan An ~

Wo Hen Lei Le

2006-10-05T23:30:00.000-07:00

Some things that i need to and wana clarify-

The previous blog saying " I don wish you to probe on things...... " DOES NOT refer to anyone i know. To that person, you know who you are, i have already let her / him know. If you were not the one i spoke to, meaning it's not you guys ok?! Don get to sensitive plz. I don wana any unneccessary misunderstandings. ^ HaIz ^

But still, the truth is whatever lie you choose to believe-

+.+ WoRds For My DeaRs +.+

DouBle X: Thanks for those words. " I'll be there for you! These 5 words i swear to you! When you breathe, i wana be the air for you! I'll be there for uuu...Cheer up baby!! Love you. " It may be the copywrite from Bon Jovi, but i choose to believe whatever you tell me. :) I love you-

JoCeLyN: Thanks- You know what i mean, really really great. Even if you were sick, you still made an effort. Get well soon girl!

KiaN: Some things words just cant express. You know what i mean.

MeL: Thanks for being by my side and making mi luff whenever there is a chance to. :)

+.+ LoNeLy +.+

Ok enough. It sounds like as if im getting some kind award or what. -_-" Feeling so lame now, but i just wanted to be appreciative and not take advantage on the kindness of my friends anymore. Im truely truely satisfied-

Had a farking long day in school today. From bloody 8am to like 6pm? Feeling so shag and stress now. ^ HaIz ^ One of my friend messaged me for a drink tonight. I just somehow forgot to reply him and he called me. Obviously i got screwed up againz.

The Him: " Hey, why you not replying my messages? "

19: " Oh, school just ended. I kinda forgot. Im sorry. "

The Him: " Don you tink that's a farking lame excuse?! "

I was like: " errrrr........dumb lorz! " Fark! What have i done?! Cant i even choose to reject or perhaps like say " NO "? ^ aRgH ^ Feeling so pissed off now. Damnit!

Back to the reason why im here againz. DeaR messaged me this morning while i was having lesson:

DaR: Dear..I very stressed lehz...Feel like giving up..

Why?! Why must it be when im always lessons that you chosse to tell me all these shitz? Cant you just simply understand that im controlling so hard no to cry anymore in front of my friends? You doing all these putting me in a difficult position right? How strong you wana me learnt to be?! To be able to accept whatever you say?! Im sorry but i cant-

This time you tell me this. After that you come saying you are sorry. Im really sick of the i-dono-why-but-i-feel-so-screwed-up kinda attitude le. My heart is now no different from a paper kite being held up by only the fragile string.

I wanted so badly to end things, for my past to remain quiet, for characters to stop returning from the dead or showing up as the evil double. Im afraid- At the same time wondering if this is true; that most important things in people's life were also the most sorrowful and if saying good-bye could alter a person in ways that saying " i love you " could not.

I cant just simply forget everything that had happened thou ive tried. Those wounds are simply stories that needed to be remembered, protected and then understood. The wounds cant just erased or fixed with this word " im sorry ". It bothered me alot because i know to forget these wounds is to suggest that our relationship no longer matter to me anymore.

Im not complaining now-

Only losers complained about their failures and bad luck, lying the blame every place but where it belonged- on yourself.

19 has been spending a good portion of her life being secretly afraid. Afraid of being alone, afraid of not having him in her life anymore and afraid of appearing not good enough to him. The biggest mistake 19 made from the start was to be dependent on him.

Have you ever heard about deceptions and suddenly not knowing who your partner is? You heard about anger and insane behaviour that i used to do. But no one dare mention about the shame and the guilt or perhaps the overwhelming sense of failure that made me wonder if there was any point of life at all?!
^ HaIz ^

Can anyone out there just knock the sense out of me?! Why am i being so silly to hold things on when i know i cant see an ymore future? Why do i still choose to love him so badly when i know he don even love me as much?

DeaR just messaged me again saying he would change. But DeaR, you had been telling me that since the past 2 years le. How long more you wana me wait? I can wait all you want me to in the past but not now anymore. I guess being my boyfriend, you will be the last person to even know how im feeling now.
^ SiaNz 1/2 ^

Whatever things that had happened, all i could say is since i chose to accept from the begining that he lied, it shall be a truth i ought to accept no matter how much it gona hurt because i chose it........ :( I somehow cant use the past to say let's go our own ways casue it's not gona be fair to either him or me. ^ SoB ^

I was talking to my " spiderman " last night. He suddenly asked me this question:

" If 1 day you and your partner hop on a bus and your partner saw his / her x crying alone, would you walk over and console her / him or would you leave her / him alone crying there? "

Of course! My answer was if i love my boy, i will definitely choose to stay by my boy's side rather than walking over to accompany another person and leaving him alone. That's on the girl's point of view lahz.

Expectedly! On the guy's point of view, he choose to walk over for the girl.
^ HaIz ^

Why are ALL guys in this farking world choose to only think for themselves? Don they ever spare a little 1% of their thoughts for thier girl? Cant imagine how will the girl ever feel to be sitted alone at the corner while your boy walk to another's girl side to lend her his shoulder. Damnit! ^ aRgH ^

Dono lahz! Tink im being so emo againz! Fark! I guess after all the incidents that had happened to me, im just feeling so insecure already. Towards friendship and relationship. I almost lose ReN due to some misunderstandings. I almost lose DeaR for so many things. How much more do i have to farking so thru?! Fark it! I know im thinking for myself now lahz. Sorry-

Can somebody out there just give me a very tight hug to make me feel that im important and make myself visible again in this world of mine? Let me feel the sense of security againz?!
^ CrIeZ ^

+.+ aCcIdeNt +.+

Oh fark! I saw an accident along Yishun just now when i was on the way home lorz. The man was lying straight on the floor not moving lorz. He's not dead lahz, but can see he's quite badly hurt. ^ aWwWw ^ Im feeling so disgusted now. Suddenly thought back on how all my bikers friends got into accident, how my friend's girlfriend died during the race, how my friends got all their scars on thier bodies and face. ^ PuIz ^

KiaN: Im in no position to say you, but i have really told ya how i felt. I know whatever i say would not affect you, but take care k. Afterall, bikers are just putting their lives at risk in ALL ways, believe it or not is up to you. o_o You cant die before your jiejiez horz, i need you to cry for me de. ^ LaLaLa ^

MX and Jocelyn, can you guys also help mi knock some sense out of him? :pPp

+.+ Z O O +.+

" Im going to the zoo, zoo, zoo, how about you, you you? " ^ RoLL EyEz ^ Yeah man! Im going to the zoo tomorrow morning after class le. Wa piangz! I cant even remember when was the time that i last visited zoo le lorz. ^ SaD ^ I suddenly miss all the animals. I cant wait to see Xx's family members in the zoo. *_*

Im all excited now. Oh my god! I know im sounding so freaking childish now but who cares lahz. Like i say, im born to act cute. ^ bLeAhz ^ :pPp

My Life Just Suck

2006-10-04T00:00:00.000-07:00

+.+ My LiFe JuSt SuCk +.+

Self-evaluating entry- There are a million things going thru my mind now as i gona write this post. I really confused. Ironically, im feeling so sad yet farked up with everything in my life now. The strong feeling of hatred is growing inside myself. The thot of doing those silly things i used to do is flooding my mind now.
^ SoB ^

First thing first: JoCeLyN, thanks. Dono why but when im totally down now, you were with me. You stood beside me quietly. You knew something's wrong. I don wana cry alone anymore JaWs. Im tired- But why JaWs?! Im just a farking bitch who is not even worth your trust from the start. Don ask why. I know myself and im sorry. This is the 2nd time. Telling me to call when i need you, you are just upstairs, telling me that i will be ok and don tink too much. Thanks cutie, i truely and sincerely appreciate those words from you. :)

" Love Relationship Makes One Tear, But The Existence Of Friends Is For Drying The Tears. "

Second thing: KiaN, i dono what to say to you anymore besides saying im really sorry. I am the cause of everything and im getting you into shit. Don say anything anymore. I know what im talking and they are just not plain bull shit. What is it that you wana tell me but you don wana say? I really wana know. I hope you understand the reason why i choose not to call. I dono and i don have the courage to anymore. Promise me something, keep this to yourself can?

* For those who it may concern, don probe me about the above matter can, im sensitive....

Im in a freaking dillema now. Can sombody just be with me for now just for awhile? Im all alone feeling so lost. I missed the pair of hand that i held on when i was down. ( you know who are you ) I wana cry! I don wana cry alone anymore! Im tired! I don wana act strong le, it's driving me crazy. * CrIeZ *

Why do you have to do that?! Why do you have to put me in such pain and difficult position. Tell mi plz....What more do you want me do?!

" Wo Zhen De Hen Lei Hen Lei Le. " * SoB *

Anybody out there just say things to hurt me and make me cry can? I gona break down very soon le. * SoB * Save me i beg you......

Is this really gona be the end of us? * CrIeZ *

" Wo Rang Ni Bu Zai Wei Nan Le,

Jiu Dang Zuo Cong Lai Jiu Mei You Ren Shi Guo.

Bu Zai Rang Ni Zuo You Wei Nan Le,

Zhi Yao Ni He Ta Hen Kuai Le,

Wo Mei Guan Xi,

Zhe Jiu Shi Ai Ni De Jue Ding.

Fang Shou,

Hui Bu Hui Jie Tuo.

Li Kai Ni,

Hui Bu Hui Shi Yi Tiao Chu Lu.

Wei Nan,

Shi Shui Jie Ru Shui Ne,

Xian Lai Hou Dao Shun Xi You Mei You. "

Love?

2006-10-03T23:30:00.000-07:00

Dreaming.... O_O

Cant believe it but i wasted 1 bloody day in school. 1 class, 3 hours. Fark siaz! I have to tolerate this nonsense for the next freaking 6 weeks. BoO-

DeaR: Im still waiting for you answer. Why is it that you dono how to or cant ans me at all? Or are you just afraid i am not satisfied with your answer. Yes. I have an answer in my heart that i really wish to hear from you. I've waited for this answer for a very long time, but yet, time after time, you just cant answer me confidently, resulting me in having fear time after time when i see you.....

Why is it that in a relationship, there is definitely 1 party that WILL lie to another? Even thou you both know how much you are in love with each other. Is it really so fun, or are you just testing your partner's limit?! ( btw, im not refering to my relationsip, it's someone else ) You hurt my friend bitch! 3 times in a roll somemore.

Doesnt it sound so familiar? Yeah! It's like me and him, that is why im getting so fed up now. My friend loves you and you took him for granted. You lied to him even thou he asked you so many times for the answer he looking for. Why?! What do you earn from there?!

Why is it also the person who gives the most always getting the hurt most from the person you loved. Why? Why? Why? This problem might not concern me, but i hate seeing my friend getting hurt over lies because i totally know how they feel, im in their shoes before. I totally understand what my friend is going thru' now. ^ HaIz ^

To all liers in this world ( esp in love ), got the fark out from this world as soon as possible!!! Stop hurting the innocense anymore. You are the guilty ones, not them! Fark you understand?!

I don say you cant lie, but please, tink before you do anything. Don do what you feel like just to please yourself. Lie something that if your partner were to find out, it wouldnt be a big blow to him / her.

OR

Perhaps if you wana lie, make sure you clean you bloody farking mouth and don let your partner find out, or else, please kiss your own bloody ass to your relationship. ^ GrRrRrRr ^

To My Friend: I seriously dono how to console you because i know im in no position to anymore. I cant even take care of my own problems now. But the only thing i can do is just to sit right here quietly and listen to you. I know you will never cry, but at least, this is the best thing i can do for you- To Listen and To Accompany You. :) Cheer up k......

+.+ My MeL MeL +.+

Im acting cute againz! Oh my god! Somebody saves me but i totally lost control in spending le. Damnit! *_* Ok, check out what i bought this time round.

24: Shudup! You are a silent killer. Feel so wierd when you not making noise in my blog to tell my friends im acting cute. ^ bLeAhz ^ :pPp

By the way, that acts as a rubber band. To clip on opened chips. Kawaii horz?!

That's a lunch box lorz. ^ KeKe ^ But nobody cook for me..... * SoB *

Enough of my nonsense le. Im done- Give me 2 more years and i will no longer act cute anymore. :pPp

...Ne Ne Ni Pu Pu...

Beautiful Story

2006-10-02T11:30:00.000-07:00

This song drives me crazy...... o_O

I was opening my mail this morning to receive this email. Oh my goodness, it's really so nice to read this in the morning. Kinda touching lahz.... :)

" There was once this guy who is very much in love with his girl.

This romantic guy folded 1,000 pieces of paper cranes as a gift to his girl. Although, at that time he was just a small fry in his company, his future didn't seem too bright, they were very happy together.

Until one day, his girl told him she was going to Paris and will never come back. She also told him that she cannot visualize any future for the both of them, so they went their own ways there and then...

Heartbroken, the guy agreed. But when he regained his confidence, he worked hard day and night, slogging his body and mind just to make something out of himself. Finally with all the hard work and the help of friends, this guy had set up his own company .........

You never fail until you stop trying. One rainy day, while this guy was driving, he saw an elderly couple sharing an umbrella in the rain walking to some destination. Even with the umbrella, they were still drenched.

It didn't take him long to realize they were his girl's parents. With a heart in getting back at them, he drove slowly beside the couple, wanting them to spot him in his luxury sedan. He wanted them to know that he wasn't the same any more; he had his own company, car, condo, etc. He made it!

What he saw next confused him, the couple was walking towards a cemetery, and so he got out of his car and followed...and he saw his girl, a photograph of her smiling sweetly as ever at him from her tombstone and he saw his paper cranes right beside her... Her parents saw him. He asked them why this had happened. They explained, she did not leave for France at all. She was ill with cancer. She had believed that he will make it someday, but she did not want to be his obstacle... therefore she had chosen to leave him.

Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have. She had wanted her parents to put his paper cranes beside her, because, if the day comes when fate brings him to her again...he can take some of those back with him...

Once you have loved, you will always love.

For what's in your mind may escape but what's in your heart will remain forever. The guy just wept...The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside her knowing you can't have her, see her or be with her ever again.........hope you understand.

Find time to realize that there is one person who means so much to you, for you might wake up one morning losing that person who you thought meant nothing to you. "

Yeah, once you have loved, you will always love. So memerizing lorz. If only....he understands wads love and could love me better. ^ HaIz ^

I have just finish watching " Star Runner ". Cant believe it lorz, i din realised the main character was Vanessa from F4 until almost the end of the show. I used to have a impression of him having long hair only lahz, moreover, i don even know how to read his Chinese name on the cover. Damnz!

I imagined myself on the boxing ring fighting with " Tank ". He damn freaking cool and handsome lahz. ^ KeKe ^ God! Go and die 19! ^ sLaPs HeAd ^

Going back to school in 3 hours time le. ^ SiaNz ^ Surprising i woke up so early this morning lorz! *-* Don even know what to do now.......

Shopping With Family

2006-10-01T23:30:00.000-07:00

Im so tired! O_O

My weekends are over againz. Brand new week in school. Week 2. ^ yAwNz ^ I seriously have no intention in going school tomorrow. Not that i don wana study, but like my class starts at 1445hrs lorz. Imagine going to school under the freaking sorching sun. OMG~ Tink before i reach school, i gona melt at Bukit Batok. ^ aRgH ^

Sometimes i really wonder how to school plan our timetable de lorz. Going to school so late and for only ONE farking Front Office lesson. BoO- Waste my bloody transport and time there.

Anyway, it's still a Sunday now. Met up with mummy, daddy and my relatives. Supposedly to go for cycling de, but cause i was damn freaking tired, i told them to change plans. *_* Sorry... :p But we went Suntec instead. WeEt! Shopping, shopping, shopping. Dono why, but when it comes to shopping, no matter how tired i am, i somehow or either, i can still shop, look and buy for hours without complaining that im tired lorz. ^ LufFz ^

I cant believe it but im acting act againz! OMG~ I was outside this Sanrio shop with all the " egg " machines and this MeL MeL machine caught my eyes. ^ KeKe ^ I was like very curious cause i remembered the last time i played with that machine was like in my primary school days lorz. *_* I was so freaking excited when the ball rolled out of the machine. * sHy * o_o

Headed for Pizza Hut for dinner. I took advantage of my little cousin to celebrate Children's Day so i can have dinner at Pizza Hut lorz. :) I know i very cunning, but who cares, can eat can le lorz. ^ HeEz ^ Yummy! Yummy!.......

This is the 1st time i tried this latest Pizza lorz. Piangz! The cheese is freaking good ok! No joke- But i tink it's a bit too salty le. *_*

By the way do you know Suntec has this iSqueeze thingy all around the shopping centre complimentary for shoppers like you and me to sit and relax your legs. Damn cool lorz, but i somehow feel it's kinda unhygienic. Imagine if that person has " Hong Kong " feet and you were to use the same machine with that person......... ^ YuCkz ^ OMG~

Went to the Singapore's Largest Fountain In Suntec City. It's freaking beautiful and romantic lorz. Imagine yourself standing there watching the whole laser thingy with you love ones....but... ^ HaIz ^ Watching with someone you love but the other might be someone who don totally love you, how sad can this be. Hmmm...i don even dare think about it anymore.

.....Super duper nice lorz.......

Home sweet home after that. I gona knock out very soon le. I slept in the car. While eating, i almost fall asleep also lorz. Wa piangz a! Feeling damn farking guilty now. My phone rang non-stop since this afternoon. I did not go for my friend's 21st birthday chalet today againz. This is the 3rd person's chalet that i had not attend since last month. But is like his chalet is at Aloha Changi le, not Pasir Ris lorz. How am i gona go siaz.....

SHITZ!

Feeling so down and guilty now. Afterall, they were once my good " kakis " who we used to hang around with lahz. ^ SiaNz ^ What it's over- No point thinking about it le... ^ HaIz ^

* YaWnz *

School at 1445hrs. Farked up! But the good thing is i cant waki early, but to tink about it i must as well don wake up better wad since it's so late le horz?! *_* LaLaLaLa-

My Friends

2006-09-30T05:00:00.000-07:00

ReN: Thanks! ^ kEkE ^ Happy Children's Day to you too. :pPp 1 more year you gona be 21st le. No longer a small kid le. So sad- ^ bLeaHz ^ Anyway, thanks for cheering me up. Hmmm...you are the only person that after so many years, never failed to message me on every occasion and never failed to be by my side always. :)

Went out with my mates yesterday. It was perhaps the 1st time i went out with them on a Saturday le. Totally disappointing-

One left after another. The organiser who planned the outing lest 1st. Why are people just so selfish, thinking for only themself all the time. I know im being farked up saying all these, but it's true. It's really unfair for those pepople who gave up other things for this outing lorz. Damnit!
^ aRgH ^ Selfish asses, got the farked off man! Future outing, i gona think twice before going le. BoO- Don wana waste my freaking time on people not worth it man! *_*

Life without MeL totally suck. Feeling so bored and lonely. Nobody making noise, nobody to punk with. ^ DuHz ^ MeL, if only you were here, im sure you will be one of the last person to ever do that to us, leaving 1/2 for someone else. ( xx, got no offence on you, you jolly well noe im not refering to you ) Tink KiaN must be freaking bored without you le. ^ LufFz ^ You and him makes the best of the luffing world. :pPp

This week, i have to honestly proclaimed im not in a best of my moods. No- it's not PMS. But im just trying to assure myself and doing myself a very big favour by telling DeaR not to take me for granted and overrule me anymore. :( It took me freaking lotsa of pain and courage to tell him that. To tell him:

- Yes, im really tired of everything.

- Yes, i am not happy anymore being with you.

Enough! I am saying this like a thousand times in my blog that i wana let him go. I somehow just cant- I love him more than anybody could have imagine. Im loving so blindly that now, im taking all the shit myself. I rather get myself hurt like fark than quarrelling with him and making him sad. Till this point of time, his flaws are now seen as his points that why i fell in love with him....

Finally......

Last night, 2 persons opened my wound that is kept wrapped safely in my heart. Somehow or other, this person got to know some thin for the past farking 2 years. ^ HaIz ^ I always avoided things that would hurt me. I always choose to run away from things. It might not be the best way, but it's the most not painful way bahz.

I hate to admit that i love him more than he love me. I hate to lie to myself that all the things i did for him, he appreciates. I hate to tell myself that i need him more than he needs me. And to the thing i drag most in hearing:

" If he was given a chance, would he be choosing you or her? "

" If that ger were to call him today againz, would he be answering her call and talk to her? If the ger tell him that she needs him, would he tell you he need to go againz? "

FARK!

Why the hell am i feeling so insecure over her? Why am i feeling so afraid? Am i really scared or is it i just don wana lost this game over another girl? But i lose....so many times....

No matter how much i had done for him, his heart is not there with me. Afterall, she is DeaR's 1st love, who am i? Just a ger next door who fell in love with him.....
^ SoB ^

Seriously, this is the 1st time over my past relationship that im feeling so insecure. " Karma ". A retribution for me. The past me, im always the one hurting people. Im always the one making people feel insecure. Im always the one making guys cry. And now.......

Im digging my own grave. But why?! Why must it be him?! I thought we were 1 of the happiest and most fortunate couples on earth becasue i can see you everyday and my parents love you more than anything. BaHz- Everything's all in the past. Im not comparing....but 1 thing i know for sure, i can never replace the " her " in your heart no matter how much i forsake. ^ HaIz ^

But how?! Since i chose this path, i must as well face it. If you really love somebody so blindly, you will have to learn to tolerate and take all this. The fact that 19. you are not the person he loves most. But who cares, i know i love him can le lahz.

I cant hate him anymore- My love overpowers everything-

Im saying all these now not becasue i am emotional. Like i said, because that someone tried to unlock my heart. And here i am pouring everything out. I hate it- ^ aRgH ^ Saying all these make mi feel like a farking loser who is so afraid to lose and who is a farking weak woman who DO NOT have her own stand in things, but just allowing others to " mold 19 " into someone he wants 19 to be. ^ HaIz ^

DAMN IT!

BoO- Lousy me! By the way, " wo bu xiang zuo guai hai zi le, wo yi jing hen lei le. " I have been a good girl obeying in everything you say, trying to be the ger you want me to be. I have tried, but i failed. Maybe this is why, i just cant replace the " her ". But im tired- ^ CrIeZ ^

DaR: " Wo bu xiang zai ban ni de na ge ta le, ni ke yi ai wo for who am i mahz? "

This is the last thing i wana ask you. I want it to be honest- Even if the truth might hurt, i rather let you hurt me for the farking last time. Don lie, because it will be the last thing i hope for.

I love you-

^ HaIz ^ If only someone is here with me at this point of time........ :(

School Sucks

2006-09-28T22:30:00.000-07:00

Fark!

Im back to school for the 4th day. Im no longer as happy as i used to be le. It seems like im back to a Mediacorp, with so many good and professional artistes dressing up in the classroom for the next drama / episode of the show to begin. ^ HaIz ^ Everyone is acting so well- like professional hypocrites and i think it totally suck to the max!

I was down with Jocelyn, slacking at her place for time to go for my driving theory class. She told me lotsa things that i seriously don wana and wish to hear about. No joke- It just totally hurts. Our group of people that includes: MXF, MKGR, were all backstab like fark by some other farkers in the class.

FARKING ASSHOLES!

Don you assholes got more other better things to do like going home to feed your pets, pay your handphone bills and electricity bills, feed you fishes? Rather than going around to gossip about other people when you are like farking mature adults studying Diploma in Tourism?! We are suppose to be a united class that consists of 47 people with 1 heart but nahz-

47 people in the class is divided so equally into like 7 different groups of people. BoO- So disappointing, but expected thou! BaHz-

The worse scenerio is these 7 groups of people are so disorganised. I mean like i don farking care who are you with and where you go casue i knoe i have alot of better things to bother about, but why is especially one group of farkers who wana poke their nose into our group and say things that will affect us for fark?! Tell me why-

C'mon! You are in the industry and you guys are acting like small little assholes roaming around the streets nowhere to go, dono what to do. Come to tink of it, im seriously a little sad for you guys because i see no future in you! To be honest, this is not affecting me too much casue i don really give a damn, but wad really pissed me off is that you guys are saying things that are not true at all?! Why are you getting others into shit?! Does that even make you worth more or is it you are able to make tons of money for gossiping about others?! WTF?!

I really don understand and perhaps i don wish to understand anymore. Why must people act like as if they are really mature but in fact, they are worse that what i thought?! I remembered those farkers saying MKGR are like small kids, but guess you are the ones bahz. Only small kid would tink that way if im not wrong. Yeah, the fact they are younger den you guys, but that does not mean they act like small ones like what you guys are doing now?!

Am i really bond to choose my own circles of friends? Is that how an adult should act?! Nahz- I know who is the ones for my frindship to grow. It's them- At least when im with them, i don talk dirty, neither do we gossip about other people. I might somehow or other tell each other how we felt about another person, but that overwrites gossipsing. We say things that are facts not lies. That makes the difference-

One thing that i feel like doing now:

I wana walk to them and tell them this: " Hey, thanks for being my friends these few months. You guys are great friends indeed. Very mature- ( my foot ) I enjoyed myself when i talked to your, you guys are so much more humourous than i ever thought so. ^ RoLL EyEz ^ "

Then...

I'll give them a big bloody 2 big type of slap on their farking mouth and shut the fark out of them. And use my middle finger to poke their hearts, dig their hearts to show them the true colour of it. Obviously, it gona be BLACK in colour! *_* BoO-

Yeah, KiaN is right- To stop MeL from smoking, he gona use glue to glue her " habitatual " mouth to smoking. While for 19, if only she could use triple sided tape to tape their mouth from spreading and saying things that are not true to hurt other intentionally. * PuIz *

I apologise for my cursing and swearing. It's just a moment of anger that im saying all these. Perhaps after few hours, i would have regretted posting this blog up. But definitely not at this point of time. I cant stop myself from not thinking this thou i just said i didnt mind or wouldnt even bother about it.

But can yo imagine somebody you trusted, talked hearts to hearts, acted like he like you and treasure you so much ( as in friendship ) but realising all are nothing but bull shit and crapz. ^ HaIz ^ I thought all these should be like my past few years in Secondary school, but didnt expect this happening to me now my life in SHATEC. ^ SiaNz ^

Whatever- Isnt this what i should expect in the working life in future? In fact, worse gossips and punks have yet to arrive and experience and seen by me. BoO- Sucks man! *_*

MeL: I have already found my answer. I have already choosen my bunch of mates i wana tag along with le. To be honest, it's only them that made me feel so young and energetic whenever im with them. It's only them that wouldnt gossip about the others and hate people for no other reasons. It's only them that can make you and me laugh like nobody's business. It's only them who plays small kids but talk like big boys.

It's them i wana be with-

I wana be with people who wouldnt betray and hurt me anymore. They might have their flaws like what you told me ( those secrets between them thingy ). They might have their temper. But im pretty sure we kept alot of things from them too, am i not right?

I will no longer expect anything more than happiness that my friends can provide me with le....

MXFMKGRRAQ ( wahahahahahaha, silly 19 ) will be the ones to give me happiness! _v_

Dear's Birthday

2006-09-27T23:00:00.000-07:00

YiPeE!

27th September 2006, it's finally DeaR's 21st birthday le. Last Sunday was a party with my parents and relatives. As of this day, me and DeaR met after school and headed down to CHIJMES Hog's Breadth for dinner. The place which DaR brought me to during my birthday. :)

That's My BaBy Pork Rib:

Double X, what you doing on my plate, you not shy arhz?! ^ kEkE ^

DaR's Lamb Chunk:Apple Crumble:

The Apple Crumble freaking nice lorz, with the warm carnation milk...oh my god....Xx, watch you saliva okz?! You dripping them le lahz. ^ eEe ^ Disgusting woman! :pPp

Yummy!

DeaR arranged this de. Combining both bones saying this look like a house. -_-"

Wanted to miss school for him de. But it's like only the 1st week of school, doubt it will be nice to skip school. DeaR seemed fine with it thou. ^ HaIz ^ Supposedly, i had planned like morning, bring him to the zoo ( he wanted to go so badly lorz ), then, to Pan Pacific Hotel one of the Japanese Restaurant for lunch. After that, catch a movie, bla bla bla....

Everything was so well planned until what happened last Sunday. Somehow, i no longer wana plan so much to avoid any more disappointments le. It's really torturing to see somebody not appreciating in whatever you do. ^ SiCk ^ It's a hell of my life man! *_*

Heading home after that. Wearing uniform roaming around the streets suck. Feeling like an idiot who is homeless after school. So pathetic lorz- ^ HaIz ^

Suddenly dono what to blog anymore. I have got nothing to nag or complain about. I have said my piece of my mind in moi previous blog le. Im tired- Im weak- Im silly- But there is nothing i can do about it cause i have a heart that is made of jelly, soft and stinks. BoO- Sometimes, i might not even know what im talking about anymore. I just say whatever that comes to my mind and i know, the things that come out of my mind are nothing but shit. So here i am, blogging about shit that squeeze out from moi mind. ^ DisGuStinG ^

Damn shag now-

Gona rest le. Take care guys. Miss you muchieee-

~ Wan An ~

Dear's Party

2006-09-24T22:00:00.000-07:00

My stomach is hurting me like crazy, damnit!

My feeling since morning: Tired Fed Up Disppointed Pain Exhausted-

Back from Pasir Ris after a whole day of planning and decorating for DeaR's 21sth birthday party at the beach. I always thought i did the right thing for him until he arrived, showing no surprise look nor any happy smile that i imagined and expected. ^ SoB ^

My relatives cum mummy were asking him: " Hey, you not surprised or touch ar, why like no reaction de. "

27: " Huh, ok lorz.... "

What the fark an answer could be, when you spend so much farking money and time doing all these alone under the bloody hot sun, walking along Pasir Ris just to find a farking nice place and here i am, receiving this bloody answer. The presents bought for him were left there alone too. No questions, nothing. I doubt he even bothered to look at them. ^ aRgH ^

Supposedly to be a surprise and yet time after time he said he's not surprise, he expected, bla bla bla.... What can be found behind this smiles between me and him? Sorrow is the answer- Im getting to feel so worthless for him already. Nothing i do seemed to satisfy him anymore. Nothing i do seemed to make him happy. What the fark more can i do for him, i really dono....

Im not being emotional this time round. I know what am i saying and complaining. I know freaking well what am i doing now!!! :(

The 1st person that came to my mind was MeL. I called her- She working, cant talk to me for long. I called Ren, he not in camp. I called Xx, she with boyfriend. What the fark?! I decided that it's time i gotta stand alone le. No more phone calls to anyone, i gotta stand on my feet myself le. ^ PatHetiC SouL ^

Directionless is how i feel now. Directionless = Death undergroud, where the trick to survive is always to appear as if you were on your way to somewhere, somewhere better than this. But where is this somewhere im heading? No idea-

I guess i deserve all these mental torture bahz. I was the stupid girl who pampered him from the start, gave him everything he wished and hoped for, forgave him for every mistakes he made even i knew they hurt me. Stupid! *_*

Remember this: It's only because there are girls who take such bull shits that guys become such jerks; because they know they can get away with it!

Apparently, im the one- Stupid and weak girl who allow guys becoming jerks. And all i know is to cry. Fark myself man! ^ HaIz ^ = I DESERVE THESE MENTAL SUFEERING THEN!

You heard about deceptions. But suddenly not knowing who you partner was. You heard about anger and insane behaviour. But no one talked about the shame. Or the guilt. Or the overwhelming sense of failure that made me wonder if there was any point of life at all. ^ HaIz ^
I have learnt to spent a good portion of my life being secretly afraid. Afraid of being alone, of not having him, of appearing not good enough to have a man- Like him.

Remembering myself saying these: For love, like language, is not a thing but a place- a world that you learn to inhabit slowly. And in a new love, as with a new language, there are 4 stages of culture shock. You must travl each: Infatuation, Grief, Acceptance and Joy.

And! I have gone thru almost every stages le bahz. And to be honest, it sucks! The feeling of all 4 totally sucks to the max of the max! Acceptance?- for how long? 1 year, 2 years or 10 years?

Forget it! Guess only losers like me complained about their failures and bad luck, laying the blame on every place but where it belonged- MYSELF! :(

My heart now is no different from a paper kite, held up by only a piece of fragile string- ^ SoB ^

Anyway, school starts tomorrow le- Should i be happy or wad?! So ironic....
^ SiaNz ^

Work Sucks

2006-09-21T21:20:00.000-07:00

This industry is driving me crazy and into complication! *_* Here i am back from work, totally shag. Not from the work done, but from the politics within the farking hotel.

You cant be a good man in the industry. A good man will never survive thru. A persons who step into an industry will turn into this:

Good --> Evil --> Devil

This way, you will win the race and the competition you will be facing in the society. This way, nobody will step into your boundary and eat you up. Remember, a successful woman is an evil woman because she only tinks of winning and nothing else. No emotions to be placed into work. Therefore, i know 19 will never succeed cause she is just too emotional for some serious work. :)

I was out chilling with my Fullerton partners at Harry's and we started gossiping bout the " Fullerton Politics " This industry totally freaked me out.

My concierge, Jolin got sacked today- Damn fark! I got to know her and got close just so recent there bomb! There goes my nother pal. BoO- She got sacked casue she scolded the word " asshole " infront of the guest. Not that she did it on purpose thou, she did not suppose the guest was just right behind her?! God Damnit! My General Manager got the hell out of this shit and Jolin was terminated right on the spot. ^ SiaNz 1/2 ^

She looked very ok thou. Her intention was to leave the hotel and go for her studies. But my chief concierge did not wana her leave, and she stayed for him. BoO-

Until this evening, we got to know that both me and her got backstab by this farking lame childish freak. A mother of 2 with a wonderful husband and yet, she's out there learning like small kids licking other people's boots. WTF?!

She said Jolin looks like the typical kind of ger who sleeps around with guys. I was like holy shit?! Jesus Christ! Can you believe it, this farking words are coming out from a mother who is 20 plus almost 30 years old? Does she need a 19 yr old freaking ger to talk sense out with her, to tell her what's right and wad's wrong with her? To ask her what's her problem? Oh my goodness....

And as for me, she took the advantage of me coming back to help. Remembered i used to have a senior who used to be so close to me and took really care for me as a trainee? Yeah, he's now got a new buddy already. It may not concern me, but that stupid bitch went to tell this ger who is now close with him that:

" Hey, show her who's the boss. She's back. Both of them used to be very close de lorz. "

What the farking wrong with her. Just a reminder, SHE IS A MOTHER OF 2 WITH A FARKING RICH HUSBAND! What's her farking problem now with us?! Why is she going around to bitch about other people? Doesnt she have anything better to do like washing the clothes and paying the bills for her household, rather than poking her nose into everything single thing that is none of her farking problem. Oh man! She is pissing me off now...fark it! *_*

Im so used to all these already. Fullerton looks so grand on the outside. But seriously what's the point of looking so posh when the politics inside is like full of shit?! Now that almost all the old staffs are leaving for another hotel with higher pay and better environment, who wouldnt wana leave? Fark it about me defarmating Fullerton now, after tomorrow, im no longer a staff there. _v_

Back to my chilling with my partners. We were like talking crapz when suddenly friendship came thru our topic-

Bla bla bla. Drink were on Josh by the way. He's is freaking rich independent dude with a freaking pretty korean girlfriend. He always hangs this around his mouth: The Josh today is the Josh you will see tomorrow. Im not like so hyprocrites who change the way they talk towards different people. Cool~

He was telling us this thing: " Hey chiks, in the industry, friendship doesnt form just like that. You cant find real friendship in this farking world because every single Singaporeans want to win. What to climb high. And friendship is a 24/7 thing. You tink you can give up your status and time for your friends? C'mon... "

^ HaIz ^ This is so cold-blooded-kind-of-thing-to-say, but before you even know it, it's a fact that nobody wants to admit. He was asking everyone of us there: " Tell mi, who here doesnt want to climb up high, who here doesnt want to have all the attention from people? "

Me and Jolin were like: " Me lahz... "

19: I came back to work for only 1 freaking reason- I wana get over my holiday time in the twinkle of my eyes and not waste them by slacking at home. - as simple as that. ^ DuHz ^

By the way, on my way home this evening, Josh messaged me saying: " Beautiful chik, you just just too relaxed to be with. A very special chinese chik indeed. "

I was like: Halo wad you mean by relax chinese chik?! *_*

He was like: Oh...meaning you are actually not the shit kind of ger that anyone can play punk with and not a person who does nothing but crapz, very good. You get real serious when coming into real business.

And i was like: What the hell..... -_-"

Ok....

Enough of my complaining already. 1 more day and my Fullerton fever is over and done with. Back to school, back to reality, back to projects and back to exams..... *_*

Life is nothing but total stress! ^ aRgH ^

Missing DTM Mates

2006-09-20T22:00:00.000-07:00

Vain pot 19 with her nails done before reopen of school: ^ WiNkz ^

Im off today. Went shopping with mummy. Wahhahah! Got mummy = Got money = Got hope to buy things i want without having to pay a freaking single cent. :)

And yeah i did. I may not get all the things i want, but i have learnt to be satisfied and not asking for more than expected. ( Thanks to you babe, you know who you are. )

Find out my item that add-on to my MeL MeL collections:

^ kEkE ^ Kawaii neix?!

I bought these for DeaR DeaR. So sweet of me horz?! :pPp Was looking for this chain very long le, too bad don have my minnie mouseeeeee.....^ HuRhuRz ^.......

Im so much in love with DeaR DeaR now. I don care if it's gona harm me againz. All i wana do is to do what i can to make myself and him happy. ^ HaIz ^ You may say im running away problems or avoiding them, i seriously don give a big damn fark anymore. What i wana care is the present, to do all that i can-

I suddenly dislike the feeling of holiday. I miss my DTM mates. Not everyone thou, but those who are close to my heart. Especially you 2- M.X. But at the same time, this holiday is making me realise something real disappointing. I tink i totally suck in understanding friendship le. I used to tink spending time with each other is NOT a big farking damn thing, distance is not a big farking problem. But now i finally understand what my friends told me- It's actually the time spend together that will bring good friends together.

Having to realise DTM mates are close to each other because they need each other in class and not because they know what friendship is- There is one thing i find it kinda furnie. How come during school days, especially Fridays, you guys always spend time playing and ton together, and now when it's the holidays, you guys are not even contacting each other?

Is being busy a real reason to forgo the time spend together?! I know i may be one of time who don spend all the time with all moi friends, therefore, i may not have the right to say much bout it. But it's just that M.X, im totally disappointed! I may screw this friendship up by saying all these, but it's us who said we gotta be honest with each other.

Now you guys know the reason why i called your up the other day? Casue i thought it's just a phone call away that may bring the feeling of being close to your againz. And it really did. Until that day, den i realised a phone call may mean everything in life, after farking 19 years of lying to myself that a call is nothing!

M.X: I don wish to tink it this way, but our friendship seems it be more like hi-bye friends in school. I was browsing thru' all the photos we took together and were like 3/4 of them in uniform. It just showed how much we love each other in school only. ^ HaIz ^ You may say im being over-sensitive, den take it as it is bahz- :( Perhaps, afterall, we may not need each other as often as we thought we needed....

But i still love you all much. Anyway, i wanted to tell you something which i thought was super farked up about myself. But guess you guys were more busy den i ever thought, so i kinda sort out my heart myself le. BUT, it's you guys that made mi make this decisions indirectly de bahz. It;s you guys that i was thinking, if this decision of mine will somehow disappoint you guys- especially MeL. Somehow by hook or by crock, i manage to clear my mind of wad i want from myself le. Cheers! _v_

- Back to Life -

Bored! Bored! Bored!

I have got nothing to gossip about anymore. Im lacking of topic to speak about now. ^ aRgH ^ Love? Friends? Life? Im getting sick of it le. Let me go find out and dig out things to talk about in this society, perhaps life would be even more fun.

2 more days of working, 1 more Saturday and Sundays free from all work-

Next week will be a brand new semester of stressful life le. ^ SoB ^ Im getting so-afraid of the life i lead the past few weeks, how i stayed up all night just to complete my farking exams and projects.

Saturday- A birthday dinner to attend. Rating: :)

Sunday- A brithday celebration to attend. Rating: Super :)

Monday- School. Rating: :( for studies :) for friends

Wana find out my new semester time-table mahz? :(

1- Basic Maths for Business

2- English I: Grammer -_-"

3- Front Office Operations

4- Property Management System

5- Productivity Studies <<>

God! Save me! ^ CrIez ^

Back to my bed le. Im on morning shift tomorrow-

~ G.o.o.d N.i.g.h.t ~

My Baby

2006-09-15T00:30:00.000-07:00

Gees-Life is so tough during this IMF period. Im going crazy very soon. Dono what the hell made mi say it's so free during my 1st few days at work. WTH?!

Past last week was the worst days of moi weeks. I suffered 8 hours of standing. It has been more than ½ since i stand in heels for more than hours lorz, plus the high house with huge numbers of arrivals and departures. ^SiaNz^

Last week was a farking week of hell. I got complained by a freaking ridiculous guest just because she was drenched in the rain and nobody showed concern to her? Fark her bloody bitch-

The story bagan just like this:

It was 1530hrs, just after my shift, i went to the counter to print out my cashier report. Upon seeing this guest was not attended and out of good will, i walked over and asked:

19: Hi mdm, checking in? Allow me to have your passprt and credit card for verification?

Bloody Bitch: I stood here for so long and yet you don even know how to say a please? Do you treat mi like a dog or something?

I was like....wad the fark siaz? No link lor, with the " please " and the " dog " thingy? Why is she dragging in a dog for no reason? Fark her. __

And guess what? The next thing i noe the next morning, she complained bout me to my sales manager saying i was very rude to her. Wad totally pissed mi off was:

Pris (my AFOM): Faith, wad exactly happen? Did u noe what she said bout you? She said you were very rude to her and the 1st thing you asked her was if she got rooms here.

19: Wad the fark siaz? When the hell did I or in fact would I say that?!

Pris: Faith, don allow 1 stupid thing affect you lahz. I believe you wouldnt say that.

I have to admit that sentence made me feel really good. But my day was like crapz. Feeling so demoralished, feeling so weak, feeling for regretful for joining back at Fullerton when i can rest
and relax at home without having to tolerate all this accusations. Damn shit! *_*

Alright, it's the freaking 2nd week of IMF now. Few more days before the end of this war. Which also means skol is starting once again. How exciting- With all the exams and projects to rush againz. God damn it! Life is just ike that, nothing that can actually satisfy oneself. BoO- ^ kEkE ^

- DeaR & Me -
DeaR is trying, trying very hard to change himself for this relationship. Finally im seeing hope once againz in this relationship. Is this gona be a truth or just a dream or an illuson which always were. I no longer dare tink far how things will go, especially when your dreams and illusion were once shattered by someone you really love.

I was suppose to attend Robin's chalet last Saturday de. Due to certain circumstances, mi and DaR werent able to turn up-

My friend committed suicide. ( not wanting to mention name )

Reason: His so-called gerfriend wanted a break off for another guy.

He drank detergent to numb himself. Normal being like you and me might think he is a silly fool . The old me will definitely think it this way, but no longer now. Remembering the incident where dear wanted to leave mi for another ger?

It trushed mi like fark at that point of time. I wanted to end everything, but drinking detergent was perhaps the last thing i will ever do bah. Now that my friend's liver is failing in it's functioning, is all these worthwhile aftral? Guess there are no right or wrong answers bahz. Hmmm...

After the visit, DeaR drove me down town to shop. After that we went for dinner with my parents.

It was really obvious dear was trying vey hard to cater to mi needs by being tolerant and patient that very day & the feeling was really really comfortable. This feeling might not last, but guess I'll just learn to treasure what's with mi now bahz.

To be honest, I thought I gave up. I thought I would fall for another guy? I thougt I could find somebody better. I thought I could forget everything. I thought this I thought that. But coming to realised all thee thouhts were totally crapz.

I realised im begining to love DeaR more each day le. Thou i no longer wana pin high hopes on his relationship that we could last, all I wana learn is to treasure every single minute now to avoid any disappointment. Wads the finale between both of us, will eventually depend on the love we pin for each other bahz.

Headache, Headache, Headache-

DeaR's birthday is just round the corner. Im totally lost in what to get for him lorz. I have gotten almost everything he wanted these past 2 years plus le.

“ Ok- i think i noe wad you want. You just wana spend time with mi right? ^ kEkE^ I just know it. :pPp I not shy de lorz. By the way, Dar Dar can I date you out on the 27th September 2006, next monday mahz? ” --Let mi noe kkahz? :)

MXF > I told moi bf i prefer him “ botak ” den he ask mi if it was supose to be a compliment or “ suan siao ” siaz. Piangz... -_-"

DeaR DeaR > Seriously lor, I tink u look a lot better wen u “ botak ”, believe or not up to you! ^ HuRmP ^ :pPp

Alright, enough of moi nonsense le lahz. Just wana tell you that:

- ( " v" ) I Love You Dear Dear ( " v " ) -

Exams Are Over

2006-09-14T04:22:00.000-07:00

Yipee, exams are finally over indeed....

+.+ UpDaTes +.+

Well, im back in Fullerton working as a part-timer now due to the IMF ( I Miss Father ) period. It's not as busy as i thought seriously. The hotel is not even 100% full. Rumous are spreading saying Singapore's ALL hotels are fully booked and that's bull shit! *_* Worse days i have already been thru when the hotel is 100% full plus overbookings? Crapz....

But im regretting it now. Im so freaking tired. Whole week morning shift which also means having holidays are no difference for school days, perhaps school days are even better. Waking up 5am eveyday, god damnit. What the hell am i complaining when i chose this path? Stupid ger-

2 weeks of holiday. The 1st week is gonez. Actually wanted to go Vietnam with the rest of moi mates de, but the news read by my mum saying Vietnam is the main cause of the bird flu.... ^ LiGhtNinG & ThUnDeRs ^ that stupid news shattered my holiday with them. Now here i am, working all day along, finally the 1st week is coming to an end. ^ SoB ^

+.+ LoVe +.+

^ HaIz ^

Things are not going very well for the both of us already. We are not speaking to each other anymore even if we are together. WTH is going on in this relationship? I am feeling so numb already lorz. Yeah, i have been saying that like 1000 times, but time after time, i still cry. Can anybody tell mi why?

I numb myself by going to work. I numb myself by sleeping. What else can i do?! I no longer resort to drinking, guess afterall that is not the best solution bahz...

DeaR is sometimes getting mi on my nerves seriously. He is now doing the things i did to him, which i seriously dono wad, like the way i talked to talk to him and everything? Oh yeah, come to say bout the way i talk, tink about yourself lahz. He's now putting the blame on mi on everything, mind you is every single farking thing lorz and im seriously so sick and tired of it.

I am not trying to push the blame on him. Yah i admit im in a wrong this time or whatever you tink, but what's the big problem that now our relationship is going to nowhere? What the farking wrong is happening to both of us?!

~ GaRetH DeAr ~

I dono why am i using blogging to communicate with your already. But somehow we just cant talk to each other anymore. Admit it bahz. I am not joking. I tink this love is getting real serious trouble. Look, i have already apologised to you for the pictures that you were unhappy about. What else more you wana mi do? Tell mi....

I am not here to beg you anymore ok?! I am here trying so hard to solve our problems. What else you expecting from mi when you already delete all my photos without moi permission? You mean this is call love? C'mon, that's crapz. You are intruding into mi and here i am keeping my bloody mouth shut. *_*

You make mi cry and you ask mi why am i crying?! Im not you, only know how to keep quiet when problems occur. The problems lie between mi and you and you are there putting all the blames on my friends besides yourself? WTH?! You tink it's fair?!

Both of us are freaking not mature enough which i thought we were. But i am farking wrong about it now. We are like 2 small little kids playing around with it. I have to admit i act like a small kid when it comes to love, but not to the extend to what we are doing right?! We are 2 freaking adults already, why is it that a 17-18 yr old persons have to come tell mi what to do? I feel so useless and well....handicapp. It's farking embarassing lorz! ^ aRgH ^

If you really tink we cant go on anymore than let go. Wads the point of dragging things like wad we are doing now?! It suck alright?! We don even seems like a couple anymore, tink we are far worse than being enemies. ^ HaIz ^

Perhaps i have to stop here, to continue this topic will only cause me further pain... ^ SoB ^...

+.+ sHoPpinG +.+

Maybe after i say this, your might have a change perception on DeaR and i did it on purpose. DeaR is the best person i have met throughout my this entire 19 years of moi life. He totally pampers mi like a spoilt princess. He gives mi what i want, knows what i like, but this isnt all that i want... :(

DeaR bought mi this just last week:

Well, it's the Adi bag i wanted to buy for myself de, but he bought it for mi le. Thanks....

19 bought these for herself:
A black sleeve for moi lappie, so cool lorz. :) Alright, the Mel Mel above i know im acting cute againz. But it's really damn freaking cool lorz, it's a finger puppet le. ^ KeKe ^ Can entertain myself with that when im alone. :) Oh no, im sounding so pathetic now...

Alright, MeL & X2, no need mi to say you know who am i getting this for already bahz. Isnt it so obvious? ^ LufFz ^ But keep this to yourself 1st k, cause i don intend to let that person know as yet. So sweet of mi right?! I was happening to shop at Penisula when this caught my eyes, finding it so familiar... :)

+.+ ShiNHwA 2006 TouR +.+

J.Jie gave mi a pair of Shinhwa tix. Needless to say, i went with DaR and my Tiong wrking colleagues. J.Jie wanted to give mi more tix de, like 4? And i wanted to get moi MXF to come along with mi de, but...

I wanted to take this opportunity to get closer to DeaR. But i failed againz. Why am i always the one trying to get the opportunities with him and yet, time after time, i am feeling so rejected by him. I was looking at Cynthia, hugging onto her bf / husband so tightly throughout the whole concert, while mi and DeaR are sitting like strangers enjoying the whole entire farking concert ourselves?! ^ CrIeZ oUt LoUd ^ ^ aRgH ^!!!!!!

Im feeling so horribly sad and confused now. But still, like what everybody tell me, life still must go on and i know i will cause i still have got you guys by my side always, telling me what to do and everything, i may not listen to you guys all the time, but im getting the message from all of you. :)

But to be honest, im really really very very tired.............

My Pizza Night

2006-09-05T06:49:00.000-07:00

Finally done with my Tourism andEcons paper le....

^ HaIz ^

Overall, thought could score pretty well for Tourism, after realising some of my silly mistakes i made thru my mates, my heart sank. Imagine i studied so hard, i knew the answer, just that i made a wrong answer cause i never read the question carefully. :(

19, you damn bloody fool-

Econs? Fark it! The paper was freaking tough lorz! No joke this time round. The questions did not seem to cover my lecturer's notes?! WTH?! I took a pretty long time to complete the paper. ^ SiaNz ^ My brain almost went " ku ku " lorz! First time im feeling so freaking stressed up for my exams. I slept at 0130am last night, woke up at 5am to revise my Econs. Holy Shit! I couldnt wake up lorz.

Oh yah, i gona share this incident i met last night...

Damnit! After i woke up at 5am, i went to the ladies to relieve myself. There is a small door betwwen my kitchen and living room. I opened the door, walked into the ladies, the door suddenly banged behind me. But i remembered clearly i closed the door before i walked in because i was afraid i would wake my parents?! I panicked siaz! *_*

I walked back into my room feeling so uneasy. I thought it was daddy, but i walked into their room realising they were sound asleep on their bed?! Nvm...

I closed my room door, trying to settle down into my chair to start my revision when my room door banged so loudly, so if someone is trying so hard to open my door!!! Wa piangz a!!! WT*?! I started losing concentration on my studies le, thought it was my 2 silly dogs, but nahz- They were too, fast asleep so soundly. The whole freaking house was so quiet except for myself....

- Oh no, this is freaking me out le lorz -

I did not dare tell my parents about this to prevent them from getting so worked up and worried. ^ HaIz ^ Have to suffer another thing alone againz..... :(

Back to my Econs paper-

Perhaps i could pass, but not score bahz. Guess this is moreover expected de bahz. I never did once pin high hopes on Econs, pass can le.

Pray for me i can do well in moi Tourism paper, i really put in tons of effort in studying that lorz. No sleep, no play, nothing. Just home studying....

Tomorrow, will be another big time paper- Communications. The most dificult subject to pass. It's not that the subject is difficult cause it's more or less your IQ and EQ questions, sad for me, my IQ & EQ are both 0 / 100. ^ LufFz ^

Studied my P.O.C for almost the whole day today. Just came back from school. Guess what?

After i took my bath, I came out seeing " Pizza Hut " lying on my dining table. Cool~

DeaR bought those-

He bought dinner for my whole family. At that moment i was very touch lorz. I have been wanting to eat pizzas le, but just din have the time for it. Thought of going for pizzas with MeL and guys after my exams, but now, im having it with moi family + DeaR. :)

DeaR> Thanks for the pizzas for me and my family, i truely appreciate them. Xie Xie Ni-

Back to my study table after dinner. Here i am blogging againz. My eyes shine upon seeing a Bits & Pieces bag on my table. It was from DeaR of course-

My NeCkLaCe: The necklace has got my name and number printed on both sides. So cool lorz~ :)

Birdnest for me from DeaR. Hmmm...don ask why, cause i seriously dono why.....

Somehow the picture appear to be this way, not my fault. It was meant to be de lorz! *_* ^ HaIz ^ Somehow i dono how should i be feeling now. ^ SiaNz ^ Everything seems happening so fast..

My life seems to be fast forwarding now and i hate it. Can you just slow down my farking life abit?! Some moment, i felt me and DeaR are drifting apart so quickly, the next moment, realising everything seems so fine. What the hell is this all about siaz?! *_*

Im getting confuse with moi life le....^ HaIz ^....

Back to mugging time le. ^ SiaNSatioN ^

Bye guys...

3 more days of suffering...... :(

Mel It's For You

2006-09-03T01:00:00.000-07:00

+.+ MeL It'S FoR YoU +.+

Heya MeL dear, read your blog just awhile ago...~cool~...

You and mi is " yong bu fen li " de lorz! *_* I not shy de. ^ LoLz ^ MeL, im feeling alot better le. Guess drowning myself in my pile of books worked out best for me bahz. Those books numb me quite well. :) I may sound real silly saying this, but it's a true fact that i thought i couldnt avoid...

- My heart is numb cum dead -

Guess we both are begining to enjoy our lives in DTM le bahz. Still remembered the last time we were saying not being too friendly in class? But check it out, we are like socialising too often till i realised both of us are lacking time for each other le. :( Moreover those stupid projects keep seperating us. ^ DaMnz ^

There are alot of things i wana tell you and say, but somehow, i dono where to start and where to end. Perhaps im just feeling very lonely now, home alone today on a Saturday. ( whole day mind you ) *_*

Im almost done with the mugging of my tourism le- Nahz, still far to go lorz. It's a matter of if i remembered them anot. ^ SiaNz ^

MeL, i love you lotsa and forever. :) Shower me with your love always, just like wad i'll do for you always.... * MuaCkz *....

That's Me & MeL:

HoHo~ MeL, that's your favourite photo right?! :) Yeah, i tink you look real cute in this photo.

Oh my god! It's Sunday morning now. 2 blogs a day- so convenient of having a lappie in my room. Blog whenever i want to, whenever i like to...

I CANT LOG ON MY MSN WITH MY LAPPIE! HOLY SHIT! WHAT'S THE PROBLEM SIAZ, IT SAYS MY FIREWALL IS BLOCKING MY MSN?!?!

When the hell did i activate my firewall siaz. BoO- Lousy lahz!

Oh yah, i was checking my mail, received RaIDaH'z e-mail. My another buddy who may not be by my side all the time, but always with her messages and wisdom words allowing me to feel im not forgotten. Short and meaning mail my dear, thanks! :)

Bla Bla Bla...

Suddenly lost with words on what to say le lahz...^ SiaNz ^

FARKING ASSHOLE, STOP CALLING ME U UNDERSTAND?! WHAT'S THE PROBLEM WITH YOU NOW, YOU BOMBING MY PHONE FOR FARK?! DON YOU HAVE ANYTHING ELSE TO DO, IDIOT! YOU DRVING ME CRAZY SOON....!!

~ G.T.G ~

Good mornings....

Boring Saturday

2006-09-02T21:45:00.000-07:00

Yipee! :) I have gotten my lappie yesterday at the Expo IT road show...

I love mummy so damn freaking much lorz. ^ LufFz ^ Oh yeah? Your must be thinking im a farking materialistic daughter right? Who gives a damn to it, it's my mummy. :pPp

Check my new lappie:

Yah, i know im acting bloody cute againz with that My Melody thingy lahz. ^ aRgH ^ But i thought it was cute wad, aiya nvm lahz, anyway it's not a sticker lorz, it's suppose to be for my window, but it ended up now on the cover of my book. *_*

Finally, after so 1 year plus of blogging, im able to sit on my bed to blog. I think its really kinda cool lorz, with wireless connection at home. Suddenly feeling so handicapp. I just stole my neighbour's wireless connection. * oOpPssSsssS *

" Dear neighbour, i did not do it on purpose. " ( 19, stop being a lame ass )

I am mugging again. My parents are not around. They have gone fishing with my relatives. I was suppose to go also de lorz, not for my exams not week, i would be been gonez.....

It's a freaking Saturday night, 9pm and here i am all alone at home mugging and blogging. Oh man! Life totally sucks.By the way, i did not go for both moi friends' parties. Is not that i don want, im serious, but am i really left with any choice?

My exams or your party? ^ HaIz ^

nAt> Im freaking sorry i did not turn up for ya birthday at BQ. Hoped you u enjoyed urself and like the presents i left them in your locker. Surprised right?! KeKe`

jIe> Yeah, this is the 1st year im not attending your party. Im really really sorry especially when it's your 21st. Will repay you when my exams are over k? Im really sorry... :(

I was kinda pissed off last night. Holy shit! Ever since i reached Expo with mummy, my phone had been ringing non-stop. WT*?! C'mon, get a life man, rather den sitting by your phone drowning mi, myself and i when im busy looking for my lappie. __

To that whoever it may concern, you know who you are, fark it man! Farking 20 over missed calls, messages, bla bla bal. Count myself lucky for not having any voice mail thingy. ^ aRgH ^ You know something, is not as if i have nothing better else to do.

Here i am blogging bout you and you just called me againz. Bloody hell?! What the hell you want from me?! I mean you don usually call me de lorz.... __ YOU PISSING ME OFF ASSHOLE!

( by the way, definitely not my boyfriend... )

Suppose to meet MeL and guys for studies today. Woke up late againz. Did not turn up for the mugging time. Nahz, thought i would actually prefer studying alone at home, tink i can concentrate better this way. :)

MeL and guys, hope you guys studied well...

" Jia you for next week exams kkahz? "

+.+ My TiMetebLe +.+

4th Sept, Mon - Tourism paper ( 1pm to 3pm )

5th Sept, Tur - Econs paper ( 9am to 1030am )

6th Sept, Wed - Communication paper ( 930am to 1130am )

7th Sept, Thu - History ( 1pm to 3pm )

8th Sept, Fri - Housekeeping ( 1pm to 230pm )

-_-" ^ SiaNsAtioN ^ But nvm, after that will be my holidays that i had been looking forward to...

Quarrel Again

2006-08-30T22:30:00.000-07:00

I broke into tears during lunch yesterday....

I almost flung my History presentation. I thought i have lost control in everything in my life le....

DeaR got pissed off with some photos i took with my friends on my phone. He scolded me fark- He shouted at mi againz- He told mi off just the night before...^ SoB ^....

The next morning, DeaR messaged me:

" Let's go our own ways bahz. "

I did not know what more to reply him. I controlled my tears for like farking 5 hours becasue i wanted to concentrate on my History presentation that day. I did not do well for my presentation eventually. My heart wasnt clear and firm. Suddenly feeling so lose. At that point of time, i really hated this relationship. This relationship seems to destroy moi life time after time. What really hurt me was when DeaR messaged me this:

" Why do you have to mess up this relationship? "

I broke down into tears at the coffee shop outside school. The whole bunch of 9 of us were having lunch, i walked into the toilet and broke down. MeL cried with me. She stunned mi at that moment. JoCeLyN was with mi too-

I asked MeL why she cried and she really touched mi with her words. I cant exactly remembered what she say cause at that time, my mind was in a farking whirl. I couldnt remember anything. But i somehow remembered her saying like:

" How come being your good friend and yet i dono anything. Why must you always keep things to urself and act strong in front of us when you are sad?! "

I cried harder- No joke! I couldnt take it anymore. I don usually cry in public. I always thought i could control my tears by smiling and acting strong, but im also a human who break down anytime when the limit is up.

I went back to class after lunch. I cant believe it but i dropped tears again! ^ aRgH ^ Not in class thou. I went to the ladies with MeL and xIu xIu-

What is farking happening to me?! I feel like a farking loser now! I am a weaker! *_* I hate myself! BoO-

Suddenly felt my those group of friends love mi more than anything. They were all concern bout mi. I felt so being loved by everyone around me accept for him. WT*?! Why am i freaking feeling this way?! Damnit! I smiled and they asked mi stop acting strong. Why is it that they know how i feel accept for my own love one? Farking hell-

After skol, went to do projects with my group members at Bukit Batok Mac. Wad freaked mi out is when my mates bought mi this to cheer mi up:

My FaVouRitE LiLy: :)

I love my mates real lots lorz! :) At night when i was home, almost all of them messaged me. The 1st person was cHaRwIn, rOy, xIu xIu, MaRk, KiaN, JoCeLyN and finally........MeL. :pPp

I was really emotional that night lorz. Everything i did seem to be so fragile. Every messages to me seemed to be all that i need, especially the message from JoCeLyN:

" You must knoe this. out tears are for joy n happiness, for the day we get married and till the last day we part the world with no regrets. nt 4 al these...stop wasting..whether u cn settle ur prob or not, rem, be wise and strong. like cactus. u cn live alone. u will understand me when uve get over tis. gdnite. "

" i don care if u have many frens.. im among them, so i still play a part 2 make sure u, my love, will b alright. it pains me.. i understand s ive been there, done that. still, we mus move on. i had a 3 yrs, stil, look at me. i ve turned wiser. dn hurt ur parents by crying. "

I love ya JoCeLyN! :) And those who have messaged mi! I really love you guys! Cheers!

Eventually, i asked DeaR what he want. All he told me was he's sorry and he don wana break up. Holy Shit! I feel so much like a farking fool. One time telling me this and the other time telling mi another thing.

Next week is my farking exams dates-

All i can say is: " Leave me alone for the time being to concentrate on whatever i should focus on can? "

Leave mi with decisions please. Don ask mi to obey anymore. I had enough of this! ^ aRgH ^ :(

Feeling so ironic now. I have got 2 birthday parties to attend. 1 at BQ and the other at Pasir Ris. Oh man! My exams are just next week but i don have the heart to reject either one of them...tell mi how can.... o_O please......................

Gotta go do moi mugging le! ^ SiaNSatioN ^

~ Nitez guys ~

Siansation

2006-08-27T11:20:00.000-07:00

My stupid hand is still hurting me like shit! I already went to " tui " my hand le, but it don seems to get well at all. I was suppose to got for X-Ray, but decided not to again. Don tink it's that serious afterall.

I just somehow cant lift up my hand, cant move much cause it hurts, but still i can move my hand. :) I might not be able to write for long and carry things for the time being le. ^ sAd ^ Feeling like a total handicap. BoO-

ToMatO> Thanks for your message. I really apprecaite it. You message me that time i sleeping le. Den i tink i forgot to reply you. But thanks! Love-

Anyway what the hell am i doing here, hogging on my blog early Sunday morning....

What else besides the damn farking projects i have. Here i am, drowned in my own books. Gotta hand up my Tourism revision by tomorrow- 13 chapters, and i have to even start the 1st question on my paper. ^ FrEaKeD oUt ^

After all, i tink i could stil handle it quite well becasue i went shopping yesterday. ^ LufFz ^ Cathc a movie: Click with DeaR at Cine. Saw cHaRwiN at Heeren yesterday. :) Oh man, i fell in love with 2 bags. The Flesh Imp and Adidas bag. Cant decide on which should i get now, but it's like the Flesh Imp bag cost $59.90 while the Adidas bag cost $69. To seriously tikn about it, of course the Adidas bag seems more worth the price lahz. I mean comparing to the brand, moreover, the Adidas somehow my favourite brand and the bag i saw is one of the latest. *_*

Cant believe it. I cant even make decisions for a bag, how am i gona do big things man! God damnit!

Back to the movie: Click!

Interesting show. If only i could have that universal controller that controls what i want. Cool boy~ Nahz, another thought of it, i think i better not. Kinda scary to have things go beyond what you want. The next moment you see yourself dying, not knowing what exactly is happeningin your life. That movie was kinda crap when i saw the guy waking up from the bed, realising everything was a dream. Holy Shit! ^ sLaPs HeAd ^

I thought the ending was kinda sad. I got so emotional, lucky my tears did not roll down. If not it would be damn farking embarrassing lorz, when the nxt part after he die, he woke up from his dream. *_* Oh man!

But rating of the show was kinda good- I did enjoy the show afterall lahz. :)

The show that im really desperate to watch is " Lake House ". Heard the show was pretty good. But Cine don seems to have the show. ^ DaMnz ^ aRgH! But i don tink i will have the time the next few freaking weeks with all my exams. BoO- ^ SiaNSatioN ^

I somehow seems to spend more time on my com doing proj work than on my sleep lorz. Piangz! Very lifeless le. o_O ^ HuRhuRz ^

1- Next Fri got party at Boat Quay-

2- Following Sunday got dinner-

Oh man! My holidays not even here yet and my time table are already so well-planned and schduled. *_*

Nothing much to bitch around recently, so boring lorz! ^ HaIz ^

Alright, tink i have to get going on my Tourism revision le.

* YaWnz *

By the way, check out my new song. So damn reaking sad and sentimanetal lorz. If not for my friend, i did not even know this song ever existed and who the hell is Dou Yu?! ( the singer )

_v_ ~ cHeeRs ~ _v_

I miss all my friends that i have not seen for really long time le! ^ SoB ^

Stress Stress Stress

2006-08-24T22:00:00.000-07:00

I apologise for the delay in blogging...

Im having quite enough of my projects on hand le. Everything just cant seems to be done. I always thought i can complete things, but before knowing i have completed, the next project arrive at my doorstep. Can i choose not to accept it?! ^ DuHz ^

Im suffering from serious stress and insomia now. Perhpas insomia is out of the question lahz. I can sleep anytime of the day, but i just wana slep early night. That is my only wish now.
^ HaIz ^

24> Is not that i don wana update moi blog, i really don have to time to do so. Im always online, but i just seems to be able to blog cause blogging take out alot of moi time thinking. I rather put moi time in tinking wad i should do next. ^ SiaNz ^

Here i am trying to release stress from blogging. I just handed up my Housekeeping project. Next in moi schdule is 2 communication project, 1 History report and 1 History presentation. Holy Shit! My exams are just 2 weeks away....

Fark it man! Here i am trying so hard to relax myself, there they are throwing projects and exams into us like free gifts. Especially History. Fark him siaz! Gave me the project just 2 days ago, to be handed up in 1 weeks time. WT*?! 1 week for mi to prepare the freaking 1200 words report and 15mins presentation?!

How long more am i able to take these shit siaz. Im getting out of control of moi own life soon. Im getting very worried of my own future now. Am i able to handle for the nex 2 years?! Im sure i can, but perhaps is a matter of if i want to do it or not. ^ HaIz ^ Self-entertaining myself now. BoO-

Friday tomorrow-

2 lessons in school. ( Housekeeping + Economics ) Going to school on Fridays is a wastage of manpower and my energy. 19 wil be absent from school tomorrow. She would rather put all her energy in her project and revision than having to go school and slack.

^ SiaNz ^ I hurt my right arm. I cant even move my arm now. I somehow feel like a farking handicap ger. I cant bath properly, hold things firmly and control my own hand. It doesnt seems to be mine at all. Planned to go for the Chinese Sinseh, but am so afraid of pain lorz. Touching moi arm now is like my arm gona break up anytime lorz. :( ^ HaIz ^

My brain is numb. My hand is numb. My heart is numb. Every part of my body is freaking numb now. Holy Shit! No more time to think about my own relationship now. Shall run away from my love problems for the time being. I have not much energy left anymore.

* YaWnz *

Diploma life sucks! BoO-

Got to go back mugging and projecting le. Don wana waste too much time here. Don ask how cum i so long never blog u asshole ( 24 ).

~ Bye guys ~

Wish mi luck for everything kkahz. Love you all lotz-

Exams Over

2006-08-17T07:05:00.000-07:00

Finally....

My presentation is over and done with. History paper is done too. :)

Presentation ended off pretty well thou. Not very good comments, but afterall, everything was quite fine. Hard work paid off-

History paper? Don have the cheek to even think about it. The first multiple question threw mi off the rock already lorz. Damn it! Don even dare tink about those behind questions. Guess i have sacrified moi History for moi presentation project le. ^ HaIz ^

-Hopeless-

Suddenly feeling so relax after so long. 2 weeks of insomia. Im going very crazy soon if this thing continues. ^ aRgH ^

Howz mi and DeaR? Things are going no where. Not further and not any nearer too. We just call each other 1 time a day to ask wad you doing, bla bla bla, in fact our call don even last more than 1/2 a day. ^ sAd CaSe ^ Sometimes, on the phone, we don even seems to have topic to talk about lorz. It really hurts to know that we are breaking down so soon.

It's perhaps myself. I am selfish maybe. I only care for myself. I thought i was the only person stressed up with studies. I probably din even have the time and made any effort to bother how is he, is he ok inside and everything. Sometimes i tink i really hate myself. Tink im not even worth his love anymore. I simply just cant let go of some things. Everytime he called me, i asked myself if he still miss her and call her?!

I seriously hate that feeling of being not secured anymore. Why am i loving you like everything but time after time u just dono how to treasure mi?! Im always looking things on the negative side. Holy Shit!

Im on MSN with moi friend now:

K.e.i - 69 Rock Trends , momi momi momi says:
u have to make decisions fast

K.e.i - 69 Rock Trends , momi momi momi says:
and go with it

K.e.i - 69 Rock Trends , momi momi momi says:
put feelings aside at times

K.e.i - 69 Rock Trends , momi momi momi says:
only with that way .. u can win ..

K.e.i - 69 Rock Trends , momi momi momi says:
in alot of situations ..

K.e.i - 69 Rock Trends , momi momi momi says:
it's not the relationship that matters at times.. but the memories that u both had b4 ... once time is up. it's time to let go .. and wander off somewhere else .. dun tell me if he dies.. u'll go and die as well .. it's bullshit

K.e.i - 69 Rock Trends , momi momi momi says:
i get the worst relationships of all

K.e.i - 69 Rock Trends , momi momi momi says:
life isn't fair lor

K.e.i - 69 Rock Trends , momi momi momi says:
being nice doesn't pay as well

K.e.i - 69 Rock Trends , momi momi momi says:
that's y u need to be firm

K.e.i - 69 Rock Trends , momi momi momi says:
now u've already learnt someting by giving in .. do u know wat u have learnt

K.e.i - 69 Rock Trends , momi momi momi says:
think bout it .. and tell me wat u've learnt

1 ~ Baby Rabbit ~ 9 says:
i thot of those things he done for mi

1 ~ Baby Rabbit ~ 9 says:
i start to get soft hearten

K.e.i - 69 Rock Trends , momi momi momi says:
that's y

K.e.i - 69 Rock Trends , momi momi momi says:
u get soft hearted so easilt

K.e.i - 69 Rock Trends , momi momi momi says:
as if i dunno

K.e.i - 69 Rock Trends , momi momi momi says:
juding ur face i know already

Bla bla bla....^ HaIz ^....Just don understand. Why must love be so complicated in life. Everything in love don seems right de lorz! Feel like a farking loser now! :(

2 more projects to go- Housekeeping cum Communication.

~ sAdSatioN ~

Gona give myself a break now. Im really tired.....

* G.T.G *

Cheers people! Love you guys lotsa!

-Nitieeee-

My Drawing

2006-08-14T22:00:00.000-07:00

Monday blues...

Now that im back in school. Freaking tired. Suffering from very bad insomia on Sunday night. Reasons not fully becasue of DeaR but also casue i acted smart, went to drink Ice Mocha while studying, resulting me in the lack of super long hours of sleep. ^ DaMnz ^

I acted as if i was really happy in school. MeL asked mi how come i don feel anything over whatever that had happened. I have learnt. Learnt to act and stay happy no matter what happen cause i don wana anybody care and concern for mi casue they pity this pathetic soul of mine. I totally hate it! ^ aRgH ^

Got moi POC ( Communication ) paper back the 1st thing in the morning. Holy Shit! 22.5 / 40. What the fark?! Another subject that i flung. ^ DaMnz ^ Feeling so demoralished now. But at least knowing that i have at least passed all moi subjects. Just that i don seems to be able to get satisfied in anything.

ChaRWiN knew i was feeling freaking lousy this morning. I asked him to draw something to make mi luff. He really drew it lorz:

Damn freaking cool lorz! This guy friend of mine is so damn cool and artisitc lahz. He was the guy who i used to say he liked " Pokemon " de lorz. But now that i know him alot better, he's one of the guy in class that thinks his own way and do his own way. A hard metal rocker- So cool~ *_*

Im getting into hell myself now. Im falling deeper and deeper, straight into hell. BoO-

Go do moi freaking project le lahz-

^ SiaNSatioN ^ Tink i really got to hang on and " jia you " le...

~ Nitex guys ~

Farking Day

2006-08-13T20:30:00.000-07:00

^ DaMnz ^ I have been neglecting DeaR for this whole freaking week le. Im totally tied down with all moi projects and test.

+.+ SeMiNaR +.+

Went for a seminar at Raffles City on Saturday morning, damn freaking boring lorz! Thought was a total waste of moi time waking up so early for that silly talk. Boring, boring, boring! *_* BoO-

After the seminar, our group went over to Marina Square mac to do our project. I seriously cant believe it lorz. Doing projects and studying from Monday to Sunday. Holy Shit! Suddenly felt myself moving life aimlessly. Do wad i should and suppose to do daily. It seems to be more like a routine than responsibilities already. ^ SiaNz ^

Went for supper at Outram with DeaR and moi family cum relatives at one of the food centre opposite SGH, <-- Damn hospital! for claypot rice.

+.+ FaRkinG SuNDay +.+

Woke up in the late afternoon. Met Jocelyn in town to study for our upcoming History test. Minh Tri came in the later evening to join us cause i needed his lappie to get moi projects over and done with. I tried so hard to concentrate until DeaR message me....

DeaR: " I realised you have not been spending time with mi recently. You seems to need your freinds more than me already. I feel like as if im in camp for the whole bloody week. "

Cant he understand this?! I am not going for wad excursion or wadsoever. I am doing moi farking projects and studying for moi tests!!! Why do you have to put things so ugly for me?! Why do you have to freak mi out at this point of time when my tests and presentations are just round the farking corner?!

DeaR read moi blog. He wasnt quite happy too with all the photos i uploaded. I really don understand why is it so after 2 freaking years and yet you still don trust wadever im doing?! I tell you wadever that have happen in school and moi life. Why do you still not farking trust mi at all?! I thought i should be the one getting paranoid for everything, why is it you getting so possesive over mi. Not as if i lied to you time after time?!

You said i used to tell you each person has to face the consequences for wadever they do right?! Why are you using this phrase back on mi?! Wad freaking problem have i done this time? I am not a lier. I don betray your love. I don do things behind you.

I go out with moi mates and friends openly. Is you who did all those farking things behing moi back, only to find all the freaking things you have done all by myself. You do things in the dark, i do things in the light. Wad farking consequnces you wana mi face?! I had enough.

DeaR: " I seriously tink you don seems to treat mi as your bf anymore. If you tink you rather be alone, you let mi know. "

What's the problem with mi and you this time?! You are not even giving mi any choices. Yah, perhaps you are faking right this time. I sometimes somehow feel i rather be alone already. Rather than having somebody who don even give mi the slightest trust by moi side. Everything is moi bloody fault this time.

You don give a damn to mi when you are with your friends. I was there striving and struggling for moi project, you are there enjoying pubbing with ya friends. And you are rushing mi to finish moi project to join you? You tink you really spared a thought for mi afterall?

Look here! I really had a piece of moi own mind. I told you wadever i wana say. Perhaps staying apart now is the best choice. I know im avoiding things. Yes, so what if im running away?! I really don ahve the farking time and attention for all these shit anymore.

Please! Give mi a moment for myself and moi studies. Anything you wana talk about, leave it till after my exams alright?! Why do you have to do these to mi at this time i really don understand.

Somebody told mi perhaps you have got your own stress. I know-

So let's just try and handle out own stress and not giving each other more problems to solve ok?! Last 2 weeks, moi x-lover messaged me. Telling mi he's in NS now, nothing to do, scrolling his phone and suddenly saw moi name so he decided to message me. I was kinda surprise to see his message.

But suddenly, all i could tink of was DeaR. Would DeaR do the same thing when he's in NS? Would you call / message her again becasue i no longer have the full attention for you? You can lie to mi again. The 5th, 6th times also fine with me. Even the 100th time, i wouldnt give a damn as long as i don find out and please don let mi find out anymore.

Reason being: I cant take it any further-

~ GTG do moi farking projects that can kill moi brain cells le ~

Nitez..... :(

The Best Way to Make It Thru

2006-08-11T23:30:00.000-07:00

The Best Way To Make It Thru...

It To Listen To Your Heart.

In life, we have to make decisions that aren't easy. We're afraid that whatever choice we make will upset someone we love.

It is at these times that we need to stop & listen to the voice inside us. If we listen just to the wishes of those aroudn us & ignore our own feelings, we will not be truely happy.

Listen to what you know is right and stand by that, because when you do, you will be happy.

National Day

2006-08-10T22:00:00.000-07:00

How was ya National Day holidays guys?!

KeKe` It was the 1st time im not home watching the NDP on TV. BoO- Wad a lousy & disappointing Singaporean. *_*

Was with moi family the whole of yesterday- Shop & Eat. Damn cool lorz! I missed the fireworkz too, or perhaps i should not say i missed it, is i did not even bother to catch it lahz. This coming Fri & Sat will be the last round i guess?

LiN> You can go catch them again mahz, jump higher or go earlier, im sure you will be able to catch them at Fullerton lahz. Vertical challenge ger... :pPp

I have done something that i never tried out these 19 years- Buying 4D by myself. Im really sick & tired of moi parents asking mi for numbers that i like or come to moi mind. I have came to a decision that i shall and i will buy the numbers i like for myself. :)

What other numbers came to moi mind besides these:

BoO- $2 bucks only. $1 Big for each- ^ RoLL EyEz ^ I felt like an idiot queuing up lorz. I look so small in between those aunties & uncles. But i got really excited upon purchasing those numbers. :) I know i sound like a total freak when i say these. My mum thought me how & where to shade those ovals. Suddenly felt like i was back in Secondary school doing moi exams, the OAS?! ^ DaMnz ^ Freak! But it's damn cool lahz.... o_O

Seriously i was kinda afraid they will ask mi for moi I/C lorz. Imagine how embarassing that will be. Fortunately they did not. Guess cause there was a long q, casue that lady was using 1 kind of sight staring at me. BoO- Do i look like a kiddie afterall?! Damn it!

Remember mi mentioning the shoes i wanted to buy?! Oh yeah, i bought it. Thought for a long time, eventually thought just buy it lahz. I don wana tink about it anymore. *_* Still, i seriously like that pair of shoe lorz, freaking cool~ ( moi opinion lahz )

MoI CoNVeRsE JaCk PuRCeLL:

HoHo~ Now i can sleep peacefully le. :) Oh man, im totally in love with this pair of sneakers! aRgH! It's a leather surface, Im sick of wearing cloth surface shoe le. Boring~ *_*

+.+ My ExaM PaPeRs +.+

Gotten back 2 papers le- Economics & Tourism.

^ DaMnz ^ Moi tears almost filled moi eyes upon receiving moi Econs papers. Cant believe it. I have gotten a freakin 33 / 60 marks for moi Econs paper. Holy Shit! I have to admit i did not put in full effort, but still, i cant imagine myself passing by farking 3 marks only lorz. It's damn disappointing! It's only a test & i cant even do it well, wad bout upcoming exams?!

Feeling like hell now! *_* I had enough of consoling from moi friends & im turely grateful for that. But guess you guys just wont understand how it feels, it's like the 1st test and...^ HaIz^......

....BUT.....

I have got an A for moi Tourism test. :) 41.5 / 50 marks. HoHo~ At least something that could cheer mi up for the time being. It kinda cool mi off when my lecturer called moi name and told me ive got an A. Oh man~ Im kinda not very satisfied thou, cause it's like a skip 3 questions which i studied but forgot. ^ SiaNz ^

MeL came asking mi: " How cum im asking for so much? I should be satisfied in whatever i have. " I was suddenly so dumbfolded. She was right. Why am i always not satisfied in everything?! I guess perhpas im just too greedy adn asking for too much.

MeL> I apologise if i hurt you saying you are moi competitor. :pPp I did not mean to lahz, seriously. I was truely just joking silly cat. ^bLeaHz ^

^ SiaNz ^

Next Tuesday History paper. Moi project not even 1/2 done yet. ^ aRgH ^

I know i have been nagging on moi work. Sorry-

24> Suddenly don have the mood to tink of driving anymore, thout i know i will still take the license. But is like, when moi mood is not dere, im so afraid i cant do it well. Don even know how i can possible cope with all moi work on hand now....^ SiaNSatioN ^....

DeaR booking out tml le...KeKe....

But Sunday he will disappear againz. ^ DaMnz ^

ToMaTo> Remind mi again when you going to visit Ken kkahz. I will make an effort to go over de... :pPp But horz, must i get / bring anything?!

Go MSNing le lahz- Don even have the mood to study or do anything now. BoO-

~ WaN aN ~

MOS Night

2006-08-06T22:00:00.000-07:00

DeaR book in le....

Im repeating myself for like the past 3 weeks or so lorz! * YaWNz *

DeaR's P.O.P ( Passing Out Parade ) will be on 25th August. Few more weeks to go only... :)

+.+ MOS Night +.+

Went out chilling with moi friends last Friday. Was suppose to go MOS that night, but moi friend was only 17? Ho~ It has been a long time since i went out with sombody younger than mi le. We did not succeed trying to smuggle her in for the 1s time. The 2nd time we tried using sombody's ( a butch ) I/C and we failed again. The bouncer retained that butch's I/C. ^ DaMnz ^ That butch was my friend's friend. She was really pissed off casue she was banned going into MOS that night, and she was suppose to be inside attending a party.

She scolded moi girlfried, blaming her for lending her I/C to someone else. She shouted at her in public. My friend- Roy, like this girl. He couldnt take it seeing her getting scolded by the butch and they both quarrelled in public. I knew Roy's temper pretty well, i pulled him back. They almost fought lorz in front of everyone. Holy Shit!

That butch's voice was freaking loud. Oh my god! Her voice seems to break when she screamed. Everybody was looking at the scene. Embarrass wasnt found in moi dictionary at that point of time. All im concern was to stop Roy from getting at her. If not things will go really bad. Can you imagine a ger holding back a guy?! He freaked mi out. But i serously cant imagine myself having so much strength to stop him... -_-"

Everybody's mood wasnt quite good that night. 1st was that everyone of us couldnt go into MOS, then this happen. We decided to chill at one the pub, but we couldnt find that pub. That pub somehow seems to lost in Clarke Quay. BoO-

Eventually, Thomas drive us to Tanjong Pagar for a KTV session. It was Mark's friend's KTV. 1 room + 1 bottle of Chivas at 158nett. Damn cool lorz! :)

Me & MeL:

Me & KiaN:KiaN & Me & RoY: Me & RoY: MoI 4 BuDdiEs:KiaN & MaRk: Suddenly feeling so guilty while i was chilling out dat that. My test is only on Monday wad the hell am i doing here?! Holy Shit! ^ DaMnz ^ By the way horz, the guy in black above damn cute horz. 18 years only, i damn take care of him lorz. He got this face that allows people to wana pamper him like everything lorz. He's one of the nicest guys i met in moi class. :)

After KTV, DeaR came and pick mi up. We went over to Geylang for supper. Wanted to visit my mentor that night, but it was like 3am already lorz, a little too late. ^ SiaNz ^

+.+ SaTuDaY FeVeR +.+

Bull shit! What fever!? I woke up late the next morning lorz. Reached home around 4am plus that morning. *_* Stayed home study the whole afternoon. Went down town around 6 plus. I was pretty tired. Lacking of so many hours of slep. ^ SiaNz ^ Wanted to watch " Lake House ", but the ed and im left with those nearing mid-night. BoO- No more mid-night fever. I can no longer take it.

DeaR bought mi this My MeLoDy thingy: KeKe`

Kawaii neiz! :) I saw this pair of Converse shoe that is so tempting. DeaR gave mi a grace period of 1 week to tink about it. He knew my pattern lahz, i like doesnt mean i will wear them. Ok- Still deciding on if i should get it. ^ HaIz ^ Cant resist myself from spending. Damn Shit! o_O

We went over to 1 Fullerton to catch the 9pm 15 minutes fireworkz! Cool~ 15 minutes, cant believe it man! Non-stop fireworkz. The whole of next week go 1 Fullerton catch the fireworkz of different countries. It's not only on Natonal Day by the way. The next few days after NDP, fireworkz will still be on if im not wrong. :)

LiN> Go catch them. Super beautiful! :)

Done with blogging- Im going back to moi studies le. :(

Guys, wish moi luck tomorrow k. Tomorrow's paper is super important to me. It's moi Tourism paper. 6 chapters of studies to complete for tomorrow's paper.....

* YaWnz *

~ Good Luck 19, Jia You ~ ( Self-Fulfilling Prophecy ) :pPp

School Days

2006-08-03T22:00:00.000-07:00

Alright, last Tuesaday was the last day of the -aNGeL- & -MoRtaL- game le.

My dearest -aNGeL- bought mi this cute little turtle lorz! ^ LufFz ^ Freaking cute man! *_* Check it out:

By the way, moi little -MoRtaL- bought me this too. :) So sweet of her lorz! Im at all clouds nine now! Hmmmm.....

3 weeks of exchanging gifts were really quite fun. At first, the thought of it was like kinda nonsense lahz, but when i start to understand the game, you will start realising things....

Im truely exhausted by everything in school. Classes that tire mi out daily, tests that makes mi sleepy, projects that make mi confused! ^ DaMnz ^ Feeling so damn lousy and freaked out. Suddenly realising Diploma is really not easy to study unless you are able to put full amount of concentration in wadever you are doing.

Im blanding in so well with all my mates now that im begining to slack. Im so afradi of getting affected by peer pressure again. Nahz! Gotta be firm. Paid so much for skol already, reason for mi being in school is to study & get good results. o_O Suudenly sounding so mautre, but when im back in skol with my mates, i start to come moi pattern againz....LoLz.... *_*

Was slacking at West Mall with MeL & ChaRwiN the other day when i walked into this Comics Shop. Found the small model of " FairLady ". Cool~ Bought myself dat & bought DeaR his favourite " SkyLine ". So sweet of me horz! *_* ~ Not Shy ~

24 just called mi with regards to my driving...

24> Thanks babe! :) Cheers! _v_ I really apologise for the birthday wishes. :( I noe im a damn bloody idiot, im sorry!

Anyway, DeaR coming out tomorrow le. Feeling so excited! KeKe` My mates were asking mi to go MOS tomorrow. Felt like going, but at the same time i aso don feel like going. So ironic- Let's see how things go bahz....

- HaIz -

Im on MSN with somebody now. Dono why but im so hurt & disappointed wen he came & tell mi things that he used to do. ^ SiaNz ^ Perhaps i guess some things it's better to be kept in the dark den knowing so much thing & getting to suspect his sincerity towards everything. BoO-

Go....err.....also dono wad i gona do next le. ^ SiaNz ^ Slp? Watch TV? Slck? Talk? MSN?

aRgH! Im really getting sick of life in here already! God Damn It! *_*

Bored

2006-07-31T21:00:00.000-07:00

Ok, received another gift from moi -AnGeL-. Lost count of the number of things he got for me le lahz....BoO-

Finally he admitted being my -AnGeL-, save mi moi effort of tinking who the hell is he. Oh yeah, tomorrow will be the last day of the game le lorz. I suppose to get him something in return for wadever he had done for me. God Damn It! I really dono wad to get for him lorz. ^ SiaNz ^ Bought him a batch with his name from West Mall, but like 1 thing only, very the not sincere lorz. ^ aRgH ^

Another for me to tink about now- Damn It! *_*

-AnGeL- had been really nice to moi these few freaking weeks. Feeling so honoured to be his mortal and im serious about that. Someone who care for ya every now and then, buy you food you like, bla bla bla....Alright, i'll stop my nonsense from now. ^ LufFz ^

MeL> Finally after so long that your -AnGeL- is doing something for you. Im sure you are really touch lorz, is that feeling im yearning for from the begining, you understand le mahz? :pPp Thou it may be Fi being you -aNGeL-, im still kinda pissed with him lahz. After so long...BoO- Anyway you feeling better le mahz? Hope so lorz.... :) Take care ya, don smoke so much le arz! *_* If you really treasure your friends, take our advise. If not den forget it...Seeing you smoke is pissing me off... :pPp

Wad the hell am i doing here?! Holy Shit! Exam is in 2 days project is nxt week! Im still blogging here?! Seriously i really dono wad i tinking lahz. ^ HaIz ^

So lost of wad more to update le lahz....

By the way, i might be taking my Basic theory onwards. Joining me DTM mates. Her dad is a driving instructor. Feeling so lucky! ^ LoLz ^ Pray hard for me i can do everything at one go den don have to waste any more time & money on unnecessary retaking tests! BoO-

Pasir Ris with Dear

2006-07-30T22:30:00.000-07:00

DeaR just went back to camp AGAINZ = Im all alone AGAINZ! God Damn It-

DeViL: Im seriously so afraid i will get use to life without him....

AnGeL: Holy Shit! 19, you noe wad you toking about now?!

DeViL: But im just being very honest now. Imagine everyday without him. When you start learning to get urself use to life without him, he comes back to you & goes again. Im getting freaked out by all these.

Bloody Hell! Im so farking unfair saying all these now when DeaR is trying to survive so hard without me too in camp. BoO- I apologise! *_*

Can somebody explain to me why am i feeling this way- That i suddenly feel so much in love with DeaR & suddenly i feel like as if im pretty much out of love with him?! Not that moi heart is changing, but i somehow feel so contradicting by all these....

Forget it! Whatever it is- I know i love him.

Like i said, i was dragged out this morning to go to the beach with DeaR at Pasir Ris. Lucky the weather was pretty cooling lorz! I was damn freaking tired lorz. Slept at like 2am in the morning & waking up like... o_O...

However, DeaR prepared breakfast for me. :)

Brought my baby gerger along to the beach. It ahs been also a long time since i really brought her out le lorz. She looked so happy & excited siaz. Dogs are always dogs- Man's best friend. They get so easily satisfied with everything we give them, not like human beings, when you give them this, they will start expecting more- Like you owe them. BoO-

My lecturer used to tell moi DTM class:

" Do you know why dogs are man's best friends? Becasue they cant speak. If 1 day dogs can tok, they will not be man's best pal anymore. Remember this: The most evil thing in man is thier mouth- "

Oh yeah! True enough! *_* ^ LufFz ^ People like mi always bitching around, how nice can i be. :pPp

tHat's MoI BeSt FrIeN:KeKe` Cute right?! My beloved Ger Ger- ^ MuaCkz ^ :) By the way, check out Singapore's sea & tin about the sea in Redang, suddenly feeling like im dump in a chute of rubbish! *_*

eWwWw! Gross lorz! Disgusting place! - Puking In Progress - Never compare things, cause you will never get satisfied in everything. :(

I browsing thru mummy's old albums on Saturday, when i came across my parent's wedding photo. Realising how beautiful was my mum lorz! ^ sNobBisH ^ Im serious, no joke lorz.....

The photo may be a little blur, not much choice do i? It's like 25 years ago le lorz! Daddy looked so " ku ku " - but i personally tinks he's handsome. Old typical " ah beng ". ^ LufFz ^ ~HoHo~

I wana go dig sumore pictures to luff at le..... :)

Oh no! Next Wed will be moi Communications test. Following week- Tourism. Then another presentation. Then Housekeeping project.

God save mi!

Im falling asleep real soon....

- Nitez guys -

National Day Parade 2006

2006-07-29T01:00:00.000-07:00

+.+ National Day Parade 2006 +.+

Met up with my DTM mates this afternoon at Kallang train station from the National Day Preview 2006 at Indoor Stadium. I almost drowned by Red & White Singaporeans at the station. Nevertheless, i made my way thru to mit up with them.

I was suppose to go MOS tonight, but eventually i decided to head for home instead. The idea of wearing jeans & stupid heels to the parade was really bad enough for me. God Damn It! 0430pm, walking to indoor station from Kallang station was the worse idea, but wad other choice am i left with lorz! *_* I dragged myself all the way there....GrRrRrRr....... Both the sun and heels almost killed me even before reaching my destination! The parade started at the point of reaching the stadium- No waiting time wasted! ^ YeaH ^

Shall take you guys thru this year's parade, check them out:

SaLutE SinGaPorE:EveNts: FiReWoRkz: This firework like really " chao da " le....LOL.....See the burnt mark?!

I supporse there are alot more pictures to be uploaded. But guess that is really about it before anyone wana complain about moi blog being so laggy. :pPp Took videos of the fireworkz, but it doesnt seems to be able to work on moi blog. BoO-

MoI FrIeNz:Finally, 0830pm did the whole parade end. Needless the say, we still had to walk to the train station again, but this time, drowning in people's odour & sweat. BoO- I was almost 1/2 dead le. The thought of going to MOS slowly but quickly vanishing into the thin air. Instead, we decided to meet 1 of our mate at Plaza Sing for dinner. Thomas-San wanted to try the Carl's Jnr, therefore, we went over. No point eating- Im not a beef eater. Sat there to accompany them only lorz.

By the way, 2006- Last year of the Indoor Stadium. It will be tear down after the actualy parade. New stuadium will be only up after 2-3 years. ( Expected ) Expecting the next 2 years celebration to be held on the sea of Marina Bay. This is so damn cool lorz! Whoever have got the tikz don forget mi for the nxt 2 years! Lolz- Depending souly on DeaR now since he's in NS = i have got the chance to watch 2007's parade?! Cool~ _v_ Gona experience the difference... o_O

After dinner was like 1130pm le lorz! Still deciding on if i should go MOS?! ^ GrRrRrRr ^ Nah- Finally coming to a decision of No! BoO- I could have gone if not for the NDP. Can you imagine 3 hours of sitting dere with your bloody heels, perspire & everything and you go club?!

Immediately fell asleep upon reaching home lorz! Still wana act " zai ", go club lorz! Bull Shit lahz 19! ^ LufFz ^

So guilty leaving DeaR alone for the whole of Saturday when im suppose to be with him.^ HaIz ^

DeaR said he wana go beach the very nxt morning, can i say no to him againz? If i really do, i probably be the world's largest & biggest bitch!!! *_*

Visited Ken

2006-07-27T21:30:00.000-07:00

Visited dear Ken at his new house in Mandai yesterday with MeL & Xx....

It has been a long time since i have toked about him le. 7th month now, realising i have not been to his new house since the day he was cremated. Suddenly feeling very lousy. 19, you totally suck! You dono wad is friendship all about! You neglacted your friends for a relationship! 19, you are not worth to be anybody's friend at all!!!

Bought flowers from West Mall after school, took a cab down to Mandai Crematorium. Weather freaking hot & humid. ^ DaMnz ^ Wanted to get Ken food, but ToMato told me i gotta leave the food on the floor. Wad if the food were taken by other ppl instead of Ken le? ^ LaMe ^ Upon reaching Mandai, suddenly feeling so afraid to go in. Im afraid to face him. I hate myself!

Ken has been on my MSN for so long & yet i took advantage of our friendship that i ignored him online. I did not attempt to make an effort to tok to him. BoO- I did not reply him on Friendster when he said Merry Christmasn to me. Everything suddenly just gush our of moi big useless brain. If only i could wash my brian like how you wash your car at the petrol station. Some soap, everything will be gonez.....

If only i have toked to him, i perhaps wouldnt regret. There are so many things that i wanted to say to him, but yet i was given so many chances, i let go of those chances time after time.

19 you are a total fool. Must as well die off fast....

MeL> Thanks for ya message in your blog. I read it. Of course im touched! KeKe` May our friendship bloom forever. Cheers! _v_

Back to something happier lahz...^ HaIz ^......

After Mandai, 3 of us went over to Yishun to slack outside Mac. Like wad me & MeL expected, saw Rain at North Point. ^ LufFz ^

Haiya, seriously i have got no mood to blog anything else le lahz....

But to all my dear friends out there: Treasure every single one you noe & are close with. Care for them whenever possible. Call / Message them when you miss them. Before everything is too late, you will start to hate yourself for everything that happens. You will start blaming yourself for nothing...it's seriously not worth getting yourself so guilty.....

It's too late to tell myself off now. Ken is gonez! I wana tell him i miss & love him, but knowing he can never answer me....

Take good care my dear Ken.....

("v") I Love You ('v') Forever! Don't forget mi kkahz..... * SoB *.......

24> By the way, sorry. Tink i forgot about it. Kinda busy with school recently. My exams are tomorrow, proj gotta hand in by nxt week....i sincerely apologise kk... :(

My Chocolates

2006-07-24T21:00:00.000-07:00

5th thing given by my angel:

Allow me to nag about this freaking game againz can?!

Coming to know that the person i thought was my angel turned out to be the wrong person le lahz. I was still so confident it was him, tinking how come he so nice, bla bla bla....

And now it turns out to be another person which i truely & seriously hope it isnt him. I seems to be like in a 1/2 sink ship now. Knowing that it's him who is my angel totally freaked me out & tink it hurts a little too. ^ SiaNz ^

Perhaps after saying the following, you guys might misunderstood my liking for him le....

But whatever it is, as long as im clear in my heart i really don care how your gona tink about this. Alright...

This guy have been messaging me recently. Very concern & caring messages that really touched me. Things like:

" You taken your dinner? "

" Go home early k "

" Drop me a message wen you reach home, im just concern. "

" Don make mi worry "

Blah blah blah....im a human being after all. Im indeed really touched by all these messages. I thought he really cared & concern for me as a friend. True enough, i was freaking wrong. He is doing this out of the duty of being my angel. I was somehow disappointed.

I never liked people to care for me for any reason. Tink about it- If moi bf loves me cause of some reasons, how will you feel? Just like when a friend love & care for you for some other reason? This is driving mi nutz! Why must it be him?!

Come to tink about it, meaning it gona be nice to me for only these 3 freaking weeks?! WT*?! After that, everything goes back to it's original position- I dono him, he dono me? ^ SiaNz ^ I seriously hope moi angel was some other people besides him lorz...

^ HaIz ^ I really dono wad to say now. Damn confused! I tink no matter how much i say, nobody gona understand this shit at all! Now that i have to try & ignore those messages for the next few days before my lec comes clear the air of the game.

Im getting sick of guessing who is he le. Im giving up- Yeah! So what if i know? It gona be alot more hurting den not knowing anything.

Tonight shall be the last night i gona tink about it le. Moreover im 1/2 way sinking already, forget it!

Why must it be you man?! ^ aRgH ^

Why am i taking this game so seriously when i have alot better things to do?!

- God Damn It! -

Go study le lahz, not gona be bothered with all these shit anymore! Cant be bothered any further, go put moi attention in other better things le.....

^ SiaNz ^

Shopping With DeaR

2006-07-23T22:00:00.000-07:00

sIaNz aRz.......

DeaR just booked in. Feeling so lonely againz lorz~ Gotta wait 5 more days before i can see him again, piangz a! Sucks!

Went over to Tan Tock Seng yesterday cause DeaR needed to go for a minor operation on his knee. Unfortunately, we left TTS. DeaR's friend called him asking him to go over to SGH cause they have got better " Leg Doctors " & SGH is free for NS man. *_*

Down to Beach Road after that to get his army stuffs. Down to town after that.
^ DuHz ^ Where else can we go on a Sat man. Singapore is so " BIG " lorz, allowing me to tink that town is the " BIGGEST " shopping paradise in Singapore. BoO-

Took a train to Plaza Sin for dinner at LJS. ( Long John ) After moi food came, DeaR asked me this silly question:

DeaR: How cum LJS the chicken meat getting smaller & smaller ar. Looks more like pigeon meat lorz. Perhaps they should change the name to " 3 pcs pigeon set meal "!

19: ^ RoLL EyEz ^ . Dumb . -_-"

Shop! Shop! Shop!

MeL> All your bloody fault that im now all over the My Melody i saw at Cine the other day. I showed it to my bf and he almost bought it lorz!

Too bad it's the last piece le. The Melody eyez out of shape lorz! ~Sianz 1/2~ Now that my hope is gonez...But DeaR bought me these instead: :)

KeKe` Oh no! Im acting cute again! ^ DuHz ^

Over to Heeren after that for Basic Beauty. Have decided to buy the Shiseido Hair Treatment Set since it's on offer now:

Shampoo + Conditioner + Treatment = 40 bucks! Freaking cheap! This set looked really familiar to me on the 1st sight lorz. Suddenly it crop my mind that i tink Lingz & Jiez used to buy that for their hair lorz. ^ LufFz ^

LiNgz> Are these the ones your bought the last time we went out? Tink quite long ago le lahz....

My reading urge came back. Finished those story books Lingz passed to me le. Bought 2 new story books:

Dono if they are nice? But who cares lahz, bought already, too late to wonder anything now.....

Feeling so stressed up suddenly-

Econs test this Friday, gotta hand in moi Tourism & Hskp projects by the nxt 2 weeks!

Phiangz a! All these all are killing me very soon!

* YaWnz *

So the freaking tired now.....

- Wan An - :(

Outing with DTM

2006-07-21T01:00:00.000-07:00

4th thing given by my angel on 20th July, Thursday:

My angel sweet right?! Ask me recover then eat lorz! *_* ^ aRgH! ^ Angel, who the hell are you?! You are driving me crazy & nutz!!! Nvm, 1 more week & i will know who my angel is. Tolerance is all i need now! ^ HaIz ^

Same goes for myself. It's my mortal's birthday today. Bought her a cake and her favourite drink. Guess she was touched by me le bahz! KeKe` She wrote me a letter. In fact she did not know it was me, she just ask the people to pass a letter down for her angel & obviously that's me lorz! ^ WiNkz ^

+.+ MoViE WitH DTM +.+

Pirates of the Carri, The Dead's Man Chest- Boring show. No comments, simple reason: I do not understand the show at all! No meaning de lorz, the worse thing was the show had no ending. Perhaps is i don understand the show, but is like i ask my mates, they told me the same thing lorz! Boring boring boring show! BoO- Lousy!

What's next that freaked me out was the dinner after show. Buffet which i paid for like 12 bucks? Me & MeL did not even touch the food lorz! Totally disappointing! It's like....aiya forget it! I don even know how to describe the food lahz. But it really damage my appetite. Tink im expecting too much already. Greedy 19! o_O

Me & Mel left the place after awhile. Even before the class ended their dinner. We roamed around town aimlessly. All we wanted was to get out of that place lorz. Boring! Cine to Heeren den back to Cine. BoO- ^ LufFz ^ Dono is MeL accompany me or i accompany her, but MeL had to go for her class in the later evening & i visiting my mentor in the later night.

After MeL left me at the taxi stand, i met up with Kian & gang at Heeren. 5 guys 1 ger- needless to say, 5 against 1. BoO- Went over to Wisma cause Kian wanted to get his pay from his previous workplace. After that, we walked over to Far East for dinner. They went Long John, but it was like 9 plus le lorz, i had to leave them....

The world is freaking small lorz. While i was at Lido, MeL called me & ask if i knew YiHao- this guy from my previous workplace at Funan. He is in the same class as MeL in teakwondo. Asked him how he knew MeL knew me, he said he saw MeL's blog. Oh man! How " BIG " can Singapore be man! *_* Boring place~ Im drowned within my own friends' friends. BoO-

By the way, while on my way to visit my mentor at Geylang just now, i saw this woman. Holy shit! She was sitting right in front of me attracting old lecherous. She had farking big tits lorz. Wa phiangz, suddenly myself feeling so small standing in front of her. She looked freaking old. Wondering why man are interested in this woman afterall? The furnie thing was, i don see much Chinese man around. It was the indians / blangadash man that i see shopping for these woman.

Singapore man have gone to Batam for shopping le lahz. Walking alone at Geylang truely freaked me out. Cool sweat rollinf down my cheek tremendously! Sucks! Cant imagine myself being spyed by those old, ugly, dirty bastards! Gross! ^ PuIz ^ Lucky i stay far from Geylang..... ^ PhEw ^ -_-"

^ YawNz ^

It's early Saturday morning now...freaking tired.....

Good morning people!!! It's the weekends le...! :)

Feeling So Lousy...

2006-07-19T17:30:00.000-07:00

Back home at 4pm after my project work in school...

Feeling so bloody lonely.

Was on the way to the train station with X2, knowing that she is going down town for her boyfriend. Oh Gosh! Where is my boyfriend?! Where the hell are my freaking friends?! Where is everybody?!

Suddenly feeling like a pathetic little loner roaming back home, with nobody to talk to, nobody to luff with. God Damnit! Suck!

When the hell will Friday arrive so i can see DeaR again?! I hate the feeling of missing somebody so badly and yet u noe you can see me! I just asked X2 while on the way back: " Why do guys have to go for NS?! Don u tink it's wasting of their bloody time inside?! "

X2: " Huh? No lahz, they protect our country mahz. Without them, you will not be protected le. "

~ Sigh ~

Come to think about it, i tink if there was to be a war, everybody will run 1st lorz, who will really bother to stay and fight for the country besides being forced to? Hmmm...your boyfriend?!

^ aRgH ^ 2 more days beofe i could see him back beside me. Why is it always happening to human beings that wen that somebody is no longer beside you that you start missing him & wanting to love him better?! Ironically, when that person is around, you start taking advantage on that somebody, you start taking granted for his presence. BoO-

I was reading Xia Xue's blog just now. Do you guys know anything about her? The blogger who is full of vulgarities and she's always found on the papers & TV shows commenting on her? She can be really vulgar but i tink i kinda like her blog. She's is really open to her topic she wana speak about. She doesnt lie anyhting bout this society.

http://starblog.stomp.com.sg/Index.aspx?Type=Blogger&bid=24

That's her on Stomp. The latest programme seen on papers the foot logo? A place where you can post in whatever you wana speak about in STOMP / Straits Times.

Did you read about the latest news on bloggers must be registered?! WTF!? Singapore doesnt talk to you about freedom anymore. You can speak for freedom. Now, we cant even blog for freedom? Tell me about it lorz! I was kinda pissed off after reading that column. Everywhere is toking about blogs and wadsoever, is there really a need? Do they have to drag everybody down for some kind of rotten people out there?

Cool it 19! ^ GrRrRrRr ^

I wonder how will moi lilfe be without blogging. It seems like a routine to me already. You will only understand this feeling wen you start blogging. Imagine a day sitting in front of your com dunon wad to do? Feel like toking to somebody or linking to your friends but you duno how?!

Anwyay, back ot something happier. School was not too bad. I kinda pity my housekeeping lec. I somehow don look upon her as moi lec. I noe im really bad saying this, but wa phaingz a, she can really b v boring lorz! I almost faint of boredom in class....

ALmost late for skol again this morning. Class suppose to start at 0830am, i told my mum to waki mi up at 0845am. KeKe` ^ FaIntEd ^ Lucky i woke up early today, realising im only left with 1 hr to get myself sitted in class. BoO- That silly MeL also almost late for skol lorz, casue i told her the wrong time also. She trusted me. :) Too bad it's a wrong trust babe, im sorry! :pPp

Feeling so tired....

* YaWnz *

By the way horz, just paid 20 bucks for skol today. Reason: Catching a movie + dinner with the class at Cine this coming Friday.

I seriously thought 20 bucks is not worth the $$ at all. I mean it sounds like wow! But in actualy fact i dun tink it's really fair for everyone. 20 bucks include of a movie, popcprn, drink & dinner. What if i don eat popcorn? And the dinner doesnt suit us at all? See wad i mean? No freedom of chose again! Holy shit! BoO-

Forget it! If not for the class, i wouldnt have go! ^ GrRrRrRr ^ Watching Pirates of the Carri- Dead Man's Chest, some kinda show that i dum like, no other choice again right?! Sigh!

My stupid cough is not healing at all......